


Chaos and the Calm

by TheLostViking



Category: VIXX
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Multi, OT6, Suggestive Themes, alternative universe, richboys!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-01-11 01:11:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18419732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLostViking/pseuds/TheLostViking
Summary: Cha Hakyeon, Jung Taekwoon, Lee Jaehwan, Lee Hongbin, Kim Wonshik and Han Sanghyuk juggle their lives together to make their relationship work again after Jaehwan ran away for a year. Now he's back, but will things be the same? Combined with their collective public profiles, busy lives and complicated relationship, their lives just keep getting more and more difficult.





	1. Ever Since New York

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mspeachykeen2012](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mspeachykeen2012/gifts).



> Hello there, friends~  
> I have been away for a VERY long time. I've been back in school and working on a prequel for 'Songs to Learn and Sing'.  
> Suddenly, last week, I was playing around with prompts with my friend Raven and this story just dropped down on my head.  
> I hope you'll like it. Please love them all, because they are precious <3 
> 
> I do not own the VIXX members and in this story I'd rather like you to think of them as actors playing characters that suit them. I've taken the liberty so alternate their personalities for the sake of plot. Thank you for reading and please make a hard-working girl's day by leaving a comment! :D  
> -Viking
> 
> P.S: I made a twitter account! If you want, you may follow me @aVikingwriting

“See you around, Wonshik-ah” Jaehwan called above the crowd of leaving clubbers and handful paparazzi pressing too close to his ride for comfort. ‘The chaebol son Lee Jaehwan had returned to South-Korea, and the first thing he does is go clubbing’. Wonshik could easily imagine the headline appearing on Naver top trending in a couple hours. Jaehwan had a magic power over Naver Wonshik never had.

The crowd swallowed the black car the moment Jaehwan slammed the door shut and the car started crawling forward into the crowd. Wonshik’s own van was right behind it, approaching the exit area with his manager sweating behind the wheel because of the amount of people he had to avoid hitting with a car big enough to ram a building. The crowd was slowly scattering as people were able to move down the street from the closed club and the paparazzi was satisfied with their photos of Jaehwan and him and had moved away too. Wonshik did, however, recognize two of his regular stalkers from Dispatch across the street, sitting outside the convenience store waiting patiently. They had been on him ever since Jaehwan’s flight touched the ground, waiting for him to take a misstep. Any sign of Jaehwan and his relationship going south, they would know. Or so they thought.

There had been rumors. Mostly groundless, but media had written on less before. They were based on the fact that Wonshik had been unable to visit Jaehwan in the states during New York fashion week, when he was there anyway and Jaehwan lived there for his exchange year. The real reason was stress, schedule issues and fear. Dispatch never cared what the real reasons were. Wonshik’s career had recently boomed into an international level and the online army of busy-bodies were accusing him of using Jaehwan as a catapult. Word was that Jaehwan felt used by him and refused to see him when he was in New York. Jaehwan also never mentioned their friendship in interviews, neither before or after their friendship became known publicly, which they used to fuel the fire. What none of those reporters seemed to notice was that Jaehwan never ever mentioned _any_ of his friends or family in interviews, along with personal details of any kind. Then again, Jaehwan didn’t really do many interviews when all he was famous for was being a chaebol and his good looks and attention to fashion.

Meeting up in the club had been Hakyeon’s idea. It was safe ground since he’s the owner and they were able to party in a private room away from prying eyes. Their secret little reunion; six highly profiled friends, secretly. Except for Jaehwan and Wonshik after the Instagram incident. Jaehwan had accidentally posted their little selfie together on the wrong Instagram account – his official one instead of the private one only they knew about. That was two years ago, and it was the trigger of a lot of misery that ensued after. And Wonshik’s calm and comfortable modeling life suddenly turned haywire.

His manager stopped the car along the curb and Wonshik stepped into it without offering a single look or word to Sanghyuk who was standing behind him waiting for his own car. He’d driven himself, so a valet was on his or her way. Since the club was closed, they used the crowd as cover for them all to leave. The whole reason of them being there was to show Wonshik and Jaehwan together, being friends. Every single person in that club was someone important, since the club was very VIP exclusive. The perfect cover-up and set-up, as expected from Cha Hakyeon.

The sliding doors of the van slid shut behind Wonshik, blocking off the sounds from outside and embracing him in a protective cocoon of tinted windows and privacy. It had an immediate calming effect on Wonshik’s worked up heartbeat.

“Did you have a good time?” His manager asked, trying to sound cheery despite the worried line on his forehead.  
“Yeah, I did.” He smiled genuinely and watched the worry ease away from his young face.  
“You attracted quite the crowd.”  
“Jaehwan did, yeah.”  
“I wonder what they’ll write this time. They didn’t exactly get much.”

Indeed, they only got exactly what they’d planned on them getting.

“Probably nothing good. I’ve been marked as the villain of this story, so it’s not like they can suddenly change their narrative.”  
“I guess.”  
“We did some damage control though. Jaehwan knows how to get the cameras pointed at him at the exact right moment.”  
“Ohh, that’s good! They can’t say you’re fighting after a show like that.”  
“Who knows? They might just ignore it for their own benefit.”  
“Assholes.”

Wonshik chuckled. He could comfortably watch Sanghyuk safely receiving his car keys from the valet and step into his car, through the tinted windows. Their reunion had been an absolute blast and very necessary. It had been a busy year of not being able to see each other enough. Gathering all of them was hard with they busy schedules and separate lives and the keeping secrets part. It was frustrating, since their public images were getting in the way of their contract of secrecy. If the word got out it would mean disaster for each and every one of them, equally. Even if only their friendship was revealed, the media would go nuts for it. And then it was only a matter of time until they found out the full extent of their relationship. The time after the Instagram incident had been an undeniable strain on their dynamic.

In panic and swallowed by guilt, Jaehwan had suddenly enrolled for a semester abroad. Which then turned into an entire year. He spent the year in New York, finishing up his marketing degree. Despite their reassurances, pleas and love, Jaehwan had not been able to make himself return to them until now. When Jaehwan himself asked for them all to meet in Hakyeon’s club, it was like an entire mountain of rocks had left all their shoulders. Their Jaehwan finally came back to them.

They had a tight arrangement to keep themselves safe and hidden from the public and their families. It was vital but straining and a frequent source of dispute. They were six people madly in love, after all. Emotions were bound to fly around. Hakyeon had made their contract and they’d all signed it. It was not a severance contract, but more like a protocol in case the worst happened. What to do, where to go and what their story would be, in addition to a set of simple rules. It had seemed a bit excessive and overwhelming at first, but after some time they found comfort in having a safety net.

Worst case scenario; they would go to their safe-house by the beach that belonged to Taekwoon and live off of a trust fund they all contributed to every month, managed by Taekwoon. Taekwoon was the least publicly displayed figure in their group. He was an investor; a self-made billionaire that bought and sold buildings for a living – a job he did completely on his own with only a handful trusted, generously paid assistants. He’d buy, maintain, improve and sell for profit. Due to his massive wealth and rags-to-riches storyline, he was mostly displayed in media when attending charity or culture events, or in business-related medias. He wasn’t a fan of public attention, so he very rarely accepted interviews. At charity events he would contradict his introverted personality and greet every single celebrity in the room for an excuse to talk to Jaehwan, Wonshik or Hongbin.

Taekwoon had made sure they were able to live close to each other without making it seem suspicious; they each had their own apartments, with the exception of Taekwoon himself who preferred to sleep in whichever bed available and not alone, in the same two buildings with a joined garage, owned by Taekwoon. They used the closed-off private underground garage as a bridge between the two apartment buildings in order to visit each other. Wonshik and Hakyeon lived in the largest apartments in one of the buildings, while in the other Hongbin, Jaehwan and Sanghyuk had a 1-bedroom apartment each. Since Taekwoon owned the building, he had pulled some strings and called some contacts and made sure that everyone living there were celebrities. That way they were hidden in the crowd and the media would have a harder time arguing for a connection between them based on their addresses.

Wonshik arrived home a while later and dove straight into a lonely bed. It was a more common occurrence lately, but he was hoping that Jaehwan returning would blow some fresh air into things. Being alone too often generated unpleasant knots in the set of his shoulders and neck, the worry of them drifting apart a constant burden he didn’t wish to bear. Only one thing could cure it; breakfast on the rooftop and talk with Hakyeon.

**

“You worry too much.” Hakyeon told him the next morning. He said it in the calm reassuring tone Wonshik needed to hear in order to calm down. “Look, things have been hard lately, yeah, but we’ve got Jaehwan back now and we’re not about to let him go again, are we?” He leaned over to touch Wonshik’s nervously bouncing knee to make it stop. “We need some time to adjust again, but we’ll be fine. Trust me.” He added warmly. Wonshik felt his shoulders relax and the anxious tension in him slowly release its hold.

“You know-, the whole deal with Dispatch and New York and…” He trailed off, running out of problems to list. He sighed. “It’s been a lot.”

He let his head fall and Hakyeon hummed with sympathy, releasing his no-longer bouncing knee to touch his arm with those soft, warm hands Wonshik loved so much.

“We’ll get through this.” Hakyeon said with certainty. “What we all have together doesn’t come down easily.

Wonshik sighed again, wanting to trust him completely and not let his own doubts get to him. The toll the past two years had taken from them had shown the night before, despite their fun. After the initial high of being together as six again after a whole year as only five, wore off and their real lives dawned upon them. He remembered the hollow look on Sanghyuk’s face as he waited for his car.

“Can you talk to Sanghyuk for me today? He seemed a bit off last night.” He asked Hakyeon. Hakyeon looked at him with slight amusement.  
“Why don’t you do it?”  
Wonshik blushed. Hakyeon was right, of course; he could. It was just so easy to forget that Hakyeon was not responsible of keeping them all together and talking. They all shared that role. Hakyeon just fit the part better than anyone else, so it was all too easy to just lean on him and have him deal with their problems for them. Wonshik was more of a listener than talker, so he naturally avoided conversations like the one he wanted Sanghyuk to have.

He picked up his phone and messaged Sanghyuk in their group chat.

_Wonshik_  
_‘Sanghyuk-ah, come over to my place after class. I’ll make you dinner!’_

Hakyeon’s phone vibrated and he read it with an approving nod. His phone then vibrated again, without stop, and once he saw who was calling; Hakyeon got on his feet and gathered his things. Business. Wonshik stood up too to give him a quick parting kiss before he could answer the call.

“Have fun tonight. Please don’t poison him.” Hakyeon told him as their lips met quickly, and then he was off. Wonshik watched him go with longing. It was one of his rare days off and he was craving company. Like telepathy; his phone vibrated.

_Jaehwan  
_ _'Want company?’_

It was to him alone and it made his heart race with love and lust like it had done back when their relationship was new and exciting and every breath Jaehwan took made Wonshik’s world tilt. He made his way back to his own apartment and quickly checked Naver while he waited for Jaehwan to arrive. As predicted; there was an article, but the content was far from what he’d feared. A photo of them leaving the club together was on the front page, but it wasn’t on the trending list. The headline was boring, almost like a peace-offering.

**Friends reunited**

It seemed so harmless he didn’t even bother clicking it and only copied a link to post in their group chat and added a relieved emoji. He turned the phone to silent, no vibrate, and left in on the kitchen counter face-down when the sound of Jaehwan punching in the key-code at the door came to his attention. They all had the same password on their doors, since Taekwoon complained about having to remember 5 different passwords. He walked into the living room, looking into the hallway and the door with happy butterflies in his stomach as Jaehwan came through the door. Wonshik’s smile was threatening to break his face.

Jaehwan kicked off his slippers with the usual loud energy.  
“Please tell me you have food, I’m dying from starvation and the food in my fridge is one year old and possibly cultivated.”

A flourish of sweatpants, hoodie and indoor slippers made their way to Wonshik and drowned him in a dramatic hug slash fake fainting. He couldn’t help but chuckle.  
“Mom stocked up my fridge a few days ago. Go ahead.” He said fondly, unable to keep from smiling goofily as he kissed Jaehwan’s temple before he could break away to hunt for food. Jaehwan hummed in appreciation at the thought of home cooking and gave Wonshik an appreciating look.  
“My hero.” He murmured and leaned against Wonshik’s soft, small mouth. They both sighed into it, releasing tension they hadn’t realized they were holding.

It was good to have Jaehwan back. It made things feel normal again. The sudden move to New York had left them all shaken. As if the ground beneath their feet had shifted and they were unable to regain their balance ever since.

Wonshik settled at the kitchen table with his water bottle. Jaehwan merrily picked out the containers of side dishes he preferred from the fridge.  
“I love your Mom so much.” He turned to the rice cooker and scooped out a topped bowl.  
“Mmm me too.” Wonshik hummed back. Jaehwan’s parents didn’t cook, they had a in-house chef managing the family kitchen full-time. He had two older, married brothers with children who both lived at their family estate in separate apartments within the main house. It was no wonder Jaehwan preferred to live in his own apartment close to his boyfriends instead of living at home and occasionally sleeping over at their homes. Growing up in such a big, noisy family had made Jaehwan value alone-time and privacy a lot. He was one of the few among them who often preferred to go back to his apartment to sleep alone at night instead of in a pile with them all. One occasion, one or two would be dragged along for cuddles, but they all made sure it was done on Jaehwan’s own terms. He had a quota, so to speak, of how much touching and cuddling he could receive before he stopped enjoying it.

“What’s everyone doing today?” He asked Wonshik once he’d fed himself enough to get over the initial hunger. Wonshik fetched his phone to check their calendar.

“I’m off today, so I offered to make some dinner for Sanghyuk after school. Hongbin has drama filming until late, Hakyeon gets off work around 7 usually and Taekwoon has….” He trailed off as he scrolled his way around on the screen. “His last meeting ends at nine.” He nodded affirmatively and turned the phone so Jaehwan could see the overview of their calendar. Jaehwan gave it a quick look, then pressed the ‘home’-button to see if Wonshik had changed his wallpaper while he was away. He smiled.

“I love that photo.”  
To Wonshik it sounded like Jaehwan was saying it as if they were all still so far away from him. He could hear him missing them in his voice alone. He turned the phone to look at the wallpaper he’d had ever since he bought the phone more than a year ago. It was a group selfie of them all pulling faces. They had been drunk and happy, celebrating the opening of Hakyeon’s VIP night club. They had never seen the trouble coming back then.

“So, everyone’s pretty busy, huh?” Jaehwan said softly, looking at his food and picking at his rice.

Wonshik nodded, feeling worry knot itself up within. He regarded Jaehwan for a bit in silence, then sighed.  
“Give me your phone. I’ll sync you up to the calendar again.” He reached out his hand.

Jaehwan had unsubscribed to their joint-calendar when he moved and started classes at his university. The calendar’s purpose was to help them see each other more often and the calendar was a constant reminder that Jaehwan could not see them whenever he wanted anymore and that their busy lives continued without him.

He looked at Wonshik’s hands in silence while he worked on his phone for him. Wonshik noticed the look and paused to regard him. “Jaehwan-ah...”

Jaehwan looked up with glossy eyes, nibbling at his lip. Wonshik tried to give a reassuring smile.  
“You’re back now. That’s all that matters.”

Jaehwan look down again, tearing up a little. He put on a practised smile and nodded.

“I really missed you all. I still miss you. Even though I’m back, I feel like…” He sniffed, the dam in his eyes threatening to breach. His emotions were bottled up and it was about to become too overwhelming for him to handle anymore. “Like I’ve been disconnected.” He said the last words very quietly, like his voice couldn’t carry their weight and meaning.

Wonshik’s gut churned with worry and pity. He reached over to smudge off the little tears that had leaked down Jaehwan’s face.  
“We’ve all been waiting for you, completely out of balance. But you’re back with us now and we can all finally go back to the way things were, alright?”

“I don’t even think that’s possible.” Jaehwan whispered without looking at him. “I was _gone_ for an entire year. Things will always be different.”

Wonshik’s heart was breaking for him. He wished for Hakyeon to be there and help him. His words, his voice, his hugs. He desperately tried to think of what he would’ve said.

“Different doesn’t mean worse. It can also mean better.” He said, hearing Hakyeon’s voice in his head as he said the words with his own mouth. Jaehwan let the words sink in and felt a little better then. He dared to look up at Wonshik and gave him a hint of a real smile.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Hakyeon.” He joked, then chuckled when Wonshik pretended to scoff.

Wonshik opened the chat room to ask about dinner and let the answers rain in as they did the dishes together.

_Wonshik  
_ _‘Who else wants dinner?’_

_Hongbin  
_ _‘Safe me some leftovers!’_

_Taekwoon  
_ _‘I do.’_

_Hakyeon  
_ _‘Yes, please :D’_

“Looks like we need to go shopping.” Wonshik said with a smile that Jaehwan easily reflected.

A good part about them being friends in public was that they were able to go out and do things like shopping or eat out together without it making a big deal. No need for costumes, hiding or strategizing before going outside. They could get dressed, write a list and just go out – like normal people.

_Sanghyuk  
_ _‘Class is over. Where are you?’_

_Jaehwan  
_ _‘On our way to Granny-Mart and shop groceries.’_

_Sanghyuk  
_ _‘I’ll meet you there’_

They usually shopped at a small market a way away from their homes called Harmony-Mart. Because ‘harmony’ sounded like ‘granny’, they had renamed it among themselves years ago and stuck with it. It was in Taekwoon’s old neighbourhood and ever since they started all meeting together at his, then, place to eat dinner together, it was their regular spot. The reason was how anonymous it was; remote, never crowded and filled with grannies who didn’t know who they were. It was so far from the paparazzi they could get without leaving the city.

Even though Hakyeon would yell at them for meeting up with Sanghyuk as well, because it _was_ risky, they happily greeted Sanghyuk with no reservation once they were there. He was standing by the ice-cream at the entrance when they entered the store.

“Jaehwan-ah, do you want one? I’ll buy.” He said without greeting them back. Wonshik wasn’t allowed sweets until after his next job, so he didn’t bother asking him. Jaehwan raised an eyebrow at the lack of ‘hyung’ in that sentence, throwing Wonshik an amused but questioning look. Wonshik shrugged, as if saying ‘we’ve given up’.

Sanghyuk had grown a lot over the last few years they’d known him, but only after being away for a year did Jaehwan notice just how fast it was going. At first sight he had gasped in amazement at the sight of Sanghyuk towering over all of them, but upwards and sideways. He’d sensed a slight change in the group-dynamic too. Sanghyuk had positively flourished. Now he was grinning, knowing exactly what was going through Jaehwan’s head, which made him look 5. He knew he’d get away with it, that was clear. Jaehwan snorted.

“You’ve got them all whipped, haven’t you?” He asked in a wicked tone that made Wonshik stutter in his step. Sanghyuk barked a laugh. When it stopped, his smile turned wicked.

“I don’t know, maybe?” He answered with a subtle wink that made Jaehwan’s pants feel a little too tight. He quickly hid behind Wonshik’s shopping cart, taking over the role as driver. Wonshik gave Sanghyuk a narrow-eyed look.

“He’s pretending it’s not intentional, but I know better. Hakyeon and Taekwoon might still think he’s innocent, but I know better.” Wonshik murmured to Jaehwan. Jaehwan chuckled, then turned to Sanghyuk with an innocent smile.

“I’ll have the melon ice-cream, thanks.”

Sanghyuk smirked and picked up the ice-cream and walked away to pay so Jaehwan could eat it while they shopped. They gathered ingredients for a big stew, basic groceries for Jaehwan’s empty fridge and snacks for the evening.

The haunted look in Sanghyuk’s face from the night before had been on Wonshik’s mind all day, but the sight of him and Jaehwan bickering about ingredients and joking around together pushed the worry away. The market was mostly empty, apart from a few older people and middle-aged women. It was both work and school hours on a Monday, so they were left unnoticed despite their lack of precaution. For a while they were able to act like normal friends out shopping for a meal together.

**

Slowly, as afternoon turned into evening and more and more members of their little, odd family arrived at Wonshik’s apartment, the overall mood among them rose. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk played Nintendo with mad passion while Wonshik prepared ingredients in the kitchen until Taekwoon arrived and they all gathered in the kitchen to watch him cook.

“I thought you said _you_ were going to cook?” Sanghyuk asked Wonshik with a teasing quirk on his brow. Wonshik made a face at him.

“Why would I cook the stew when Taekwoon is here?”

“It’s better this way.” Jaehwan said gravely while nodding, earning a swat on his shoulder from Wonshik. Taekwoon smiled to himself. It felt good to have their mischief back. Jaehwan balanced out Sanghyuk’s teasing and Hongbin’s bite.

Hakyeon arrived just in time for the food to be served. All they were missing was Hongbin; his filming was dragging out into the evening, so they were forced to dine without him. Their dinners together were often loud and full of talking, bickering, catching up on their lives and schedules and settling smaller disputes. Being able to eat together like that was a rarity they cherished in a busy lifestyle.

Jaehwan used the opportunity to ask them all about what had been going on while he was gone. The major things he had of course picked up in their group chat, but he was lacking the details and minor happenings. He was somewhat out of the loop in that regard, which didn’t help with his disconnected feeling. Not that much had changed; they were all busier, older, left with more responsibility and saw each other less and less. Even with efforts they were caught short with ever-conflicting schedules and lack of energy. On both Hakyeon and Taekwoon the burden with managing big companies and large amounts of money they carried was visible on the set of their shoulders and the exhausted look in their eyes. They were the oldest two of the bunch and so they felt responsible for everyone’s well-being and happiness. It pained Jaehwan’s heart to realize they were stretched thin and he should’ve been there to lesser that burden as the next in line of age.

Meanwhile, Wonshik looked malnourished and constantly sleepy – his usually droopy eyes now heavier-looking – and Sanghyuk had a worrying vibe coming off of him that unsettled Jaehwan and Wonshik. If they caught Sanghyuk’s mind wander, the look in his eyes was enough to keep them wondering if there were things he didn’t tell them about. As for Hongbin, Jaehwan hadn’t even seen him enough to know.

He saw the need for some serious quality time together and decided to bring up an idea he’d been toying with for a while.  
“Let’s go on a trip.”

They all looked up at him. Their expressions turned from the painful thought of ‘that’ll probably never happen’ to an increased look of hope as they realized that it might actually be doable. Hakyeon nodded slowly as he arranged his thoughts and schedules.

“We should be able to make that work.” He said after some thinking.  
“Let’s go to the beach house.” Sanghyuk suggested. The beach house was their safehouse in the south of the Korean coastline. It was secluded, safe and on a property owned by Taekwoon’s family for generations. They could drive there in a rented car and go undetected.

“We’ll have to juggle out schedules a little, but it’s doable.” Wonshik said. “Hongbin’s drama ends next week and I have my last scheduled job this week. I was going to take a bit of holiday anyway to hang out with Jaehwan-hyung.” He smiled and Jaehwan who just about melted in his seat with gratitude.

“My classes end in ten days.” Sanghyuk added after checking his academic calendar. Jaehwan broke into a great smile at the realization that this was not only possible; they all equally wanted to make it happen. He was so relieved. This was going to be good for them.

“I don’t start my job until August, so I have all summer to make this happen.” He said happily.

“I’ll start the planning.” Hakyeon said with a grin.

“I’ll book the rental van.” Taekwoon chimed in and fetched his phone right away.

“This’ll be good for us. We all need the time off and more time together. Good call, Jaehwan-hyung.” Sanghyuk said, putting his arm around Jaehwan’s shoulders and giving him a quick kiss on the temple.

**

It was hours later and almost midnight before Hongbin finally stepped through the front door. He was exhausted after spending more than 12 hours on set. The filming was supposed to end around six, but there had been lighting issues, then sound issues, then weather issues, and then Hongbin had also been too distracted by his personal life to really give his all. His manager had given him a speech about work ethics the entire drive home, so he was just about ready to twist any further annoyance by its neck when he walked through that door. Into Taekwoon’s waiting arms, the smell of hot dinner filling his nostrils and the sound of his boyfriends bickering over a videogame was all he needed to wash it all away. He sagged into Taekwoon’s embrace with a whining sigh, the older responding by stroking his hair soothingly – knowing exactly what Hongbin carried through the door with him.

“Good LORD it’s good to be home.”  
“Bin-ah! Hurry up and eat so you can come help us win over Hyukkie on Mariocart!” Hakyeon called out to him.  
“Yeah, he’s making us all look like idiots.” Jaehwan chimed in.  
“That’s because you are.” Sanghyuk said.

“Dinner is ready.” Taekwoon murmured softly into his hair and then grabbed his hand to lead him into the kitchen so he wouldn’t be caught in the warzone on the way. Hongbin never felt so loved.

Wonshik sat at the kitchen table, all set up for Hongbin’s leftover dinner, with his laptop on the side. He kept Hongbin’s company while he ate, sporadically talking softly about Hongbin’s terrible day at work. It felt natural for Hongbin to pour his frustrations onto Wonshik, who was good at just listening in silence and then leave it alone. For Hongbin that was what he needed when venting. With Hakyeon there was always advice afterwards, with Taekwoon promises to help out by talking to people for him or make some phone calls. Jaehwan had an instinct to avoid most heavy subjects by making jokes. Which made it really hard to finish the venting and not just go along with the jokes and bury the poison within him that needed to come out so he could let his shoulders fall and be himself again. With Sanghyuk the conversations usually turn into much deeper, heavier conversations in the middle of the night on sleepless walks along the river. Those were great, but also a rarity since they’re so draining for all parties involved, especially because it usually ended in tears. They all had their ways to listen and for Hongbin it was Wonshik that suited him best most of the time. Unconditional silence with no solutions or plans of action at the end.

The stew was delicious and Wonshik’s Mom’s side dishes put the cherry on top. He felt a lot better already.

“Don’t schedule anything after your drama is over.” Wonshik told him when they were washing the dishes after he finished his meal. He gave Wonshik a curious look.  
“Why, are we doing something?”  
“Jaehwan suggested we go on a trip to the beach house for a week or two, so we’re gonna do our best to make it happen.” He paused his dishwashing for a moment to smile a him. “I think we all need some us-time to relax and recharge ourselves. Maybe we’ll even loosen up Taekwoon’s brick-shoulders and Hakyeon’s panda-eyes.”

Hongbin broke into a genuine smile, already excited to go. “That sounds perfect. I desperately need a holiday after everything. I guess we all do.” He sighed.

“Yeah, we do.” Wonshik agreed, resuming washing.

Jaehwan entered the kitchen. “Bin-ah, what’re you doing the dishes for? We need you!”

Hongbin turned around to look and grinned, knowing all-too-well he was the only person able to beat Sanghyuk into place in just about any game. He threw a questioning look at Wonshik – who nodded back – and left the dishes to kick some youngster-ass.

**

Midnight turned into 2AM too quickly with games, bickering and the occasional cuddling. Jaehwan fell asleep several times on Taekwoon’s lap, Hongbin soon got tired of winning too easily and soon fell asleep on the carpet in front of the TV. In the end, the only ones left awake was Hakyeon and the notorious night-owl Wonshik. They’d quietly retired to the kitchen when everyone else had fallen asleep, huddled up in the windowsill of the large window there overlooking the city. Hakyeon had had some drinks and – due to losing the game so many times – was slightly drunk and giggly. Wonshik had half a mind to drag him into the bedroom very soon if he didn’t stop flirting.

“Thank you for making tonight happen, by the way. Two gatherings in two days – it must be a new record this year.” Hakyeon said and Wonshik hummed in answer.  
“Did you have a chance to talk to Sanghyuk yet?”  
Wonshik shook his head. “But I did have a chance to talk to Jaehwan a little this morning.”  
Hakyeon perked with interest. “How is he?”

It was always hard for them to know how things really were with Jaehwan. He was well-trained in hiding his feelings by covering them up with a good exterior mood. It was second nature to him due an upbringing in the public spotlight and high society. When he seemed happy, they never _really_ knew, even though they had been able to learn some signs over the years. He could be hiding his troubles or be genuinely happy and nobody would know the difference. He was a very good actor. But when they got him to talk, because it was them, he would open up. A little.

“He’s worried about having been away from us for so long. I think he’s scared we’ve moved on without him, you know?”  
Hakyeon nodded knowingly. “He’s always been scared of being left out of things. I think we need to make an extra effort to make sure he feels like a part of us again. Until he feels more secure again, I mean.”

Wonshik hummed in approval, it wouldn’t be very hard – he’d always paid a little extra attention to Jaehwan anyway. Still, the worried line on his forehead didn’t budge. He wondered if the damage was done; that if, even though they never felt that way themselves, Jaehwan would feel severed from them forever. Or as he’d put it: disconnected.

Hakyeon touched his worry-line, trying to physically smooth it out with his thumb. “Hey, we’ll be fine. We’ll go to the beach and the time of our lives and forget about all this crap.”

Wonshik put on a brave smile, despite feeling like he was about to cry, and leaned into the touch with his eyes closed. Hakyeon cupped his face and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Let’s put the kids to bed.”

They were met with a half-awake, extremely groggy-looking Jaehwan when they entered the living room. Sanghyuk was lying on top of him, wide awake and meeting Wonshik’s eyes with a look telling him he’d been listening to them talk. Jaehwan showed no such sign, to his relief. Hakyeon asked Jaehwan where he wanted to sleep, to which he answered he wanted to sleep with him. Taekwoon and Hongbin were completely knocked out on the carpet on the floor. With some effort they were able to wake them enough for Wonshik and Sanghyuk to guide them into the bedroom, while Hakyeon picked up Jaehwan and carried him to his own apartment across the hall. They fell asleep the moment they hit the sheets and got comfortable together, tangled up and attached.

**

The alarm clock on Hakyeon’s bedside table flashed 4:53AM when he woke up from the sound of rustling. Jaehwan was struggling with his hoodie.

“What’s up?” Hakyeon asked with a broken sleep-voice. Jaehwan startled slightly, yanking the hoodie down so his head popped up. Hakyeon made an amused but tired sound.  
“It’s jetlag. I need some air.” Jaehwan looked apologetic. Hakyeon’s memory flashed back to his conversation with Wonshik a few hours earlier and suddenly felt very awake.  
“Let’s go watch the sunrise from the rooftop.” He said, getting up quickly before Jaehwan could tell him to stay in bed. Jaehwan looked relieved.  
“Sure.”

The view from the rooftop was a stunning sight on any day, making it Hakyeon’s favourite place to be, but the clear sky that evening made for a spectacular sunrise. He had a tendency to bring them up there whenever he wanted to talk about something, so Jaehwan knew exactly what was coming for him.

“So, Wonshik told me you’re feeling a little unsettled about being back?” He prompted, trying to ease him into it. Jaehwan gave him a knowing look that said he’d expected Wonshik to tell. Hakyeon suddenly felt a little guilty, as if Wonshik and he had been conspiring or something. He somehow felt like he had to stand up for his accomplice.  
“You know how he worries…” He trailed off, turning quiet to wait for Jaehwan to start talking.

Jaehwan sighed, clearly having a hard time coming to terms with the oncoming conversation even though he’d come prepared.

“I shouldn’t have told him and made him worry like that.” He frowned, keeping his eyes on the traffic below and beyond.  
“I think he’d feel even worse if you didn’t.” Hakyeon countered. Jaehwan looked at him with guilty eyes and the conflicted expression they’d come to know all-too-well over the years. The look of someone so full of things to say, but even more fear of saying it and making it feel real. Hakyeon gave him a big window of silence to open up whenever he felt ready, while watching the barely lit sky brighten by the minute as the sun approached the horizon.

“I got too scared to come back.” Jaehwan confessed quietly after a long silence. Rays of sun were starting to appear in the distance, cutting through the misty blue of the sky. His voice sounded strained, like it had been locked away. Hakyeon knew he meant the time Jaehwan was supposed to return, after the first term abroad. He had terrified them all by cutting all contact after announcing he was going to stay another term – making it a crippling 9 months apart in total.

“I thought I’d ruined everything when I posted that picture. I was so sure you would all yell at me, but then you were so nice and understanding about it… The guilt was too much. It consumed me. I needed punishment. Consequences. So I did it myself.”

Hakyeon’s heart broke at the thought of Jaehwan so swallowed by his own guilt that he felt like he had to exile himself to feel right again. What made it hurt even more was the little voice in his head telling him he should’ve known it wasn’t all fear that kept Jaehwan away. He made every effort he could to stop himself from talking so Jaehwan was free to finish pouring out the words he’d kept in for too long.

“And then when I was there, it felt impossible for me to go back. I had left you, it felt so final. I betrayed you all and the worst part was that I felt relief, because I was finally suffering the way I should. I still feel like I deserved it, but I hurt you too and that wasn’t what I wanted. But you all seemed fine! All your messages were so upbeat and full of love, and that just became unbearable. You were fine without me.”

Hakyeon’s eyes welled with tears, which startled Jaehwan because he was not a frequent crier.

“That’s not true.” Hakyeon told him firmly. “Without you here we all felt like suddenly we were standing on uneven ground. Everything fell off balance. We’d fight and even that felt off. We’d kiss and sleep together and there would always be something missing. You left a void and we need you. Without you we’re falling apart.”

He took a deep breath.

“We were so scared you’d be too scared to come back, that you thought we were secretly angry with you or disappointed or something, so we did _everything_ we could think of to make the chatroom feel warm and safe and full of our love for you and each other.”

He started laughing through the tears, confusing poor Jaehwan in front of him.

“To think our very effort to call you back to us would only make things worse for you, to have the opposite effect, is just-“ He sniffed, coughed, laughed, cried…Jaehwan’s eyes were round as plates, glossy with emotion.

“It’s absolutely ridiculous! We’re all idiots!” Hakyeon threw his arms out in emphasis and Jaehwan couldn’t help but laugh. “We love you, you idiot. With all our idiot hearts. We never thought in any way that you put us in any danger with that post. It was an accident! Accidents happen. We’re only human, after all.”

Tears welled and made their way down Jaehwan’s face silently. Hakyeon stepped over to him sitting on the ground and kneeled down to dry the wet streaks with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Please stop torturing yourself over this, Jaehwan-ah. You never did anything wrong. And even if you did, we wouldn’t want you to punish yourself, and us in relation, like that. Promise me you’ll talk to us.”

“I’ll try my best” Jaehwan told him through a sniff and nodded.  
“I love you.” Hakyeon told him and sealed it with a short kiss, tasting the salt of their tears mixing.  
“I love you too.”  
“Never forget.”  
“I promise.”

**

Taekwoon woke up in an empty bed he assumed was Wonshik’s when his phone rang. There was one single number that still rang when his phone was set to do-not-disturb. He blindly reached for the phone somewhere in the back pocket of his jeans on the floor, refusing to leave the bed to get it. An overly excited Hakyeon was on the other side of the line, retelling the events on the roof with dramatic detail, slowly waking Taekwoon’s coffee-less mind. His frown slowly turned into a smile as the story unfolded.

He’d been worried they wouldn’t be able to crack open the carefully crafted shell around Jaehwan’s real thoughts and feelings and innermost demons, but somehow Hakyeon had hit a crack.

“How is he now?” Taekwoon asked when the story was over. Hakyeon was practically panting.  
“He’s sleeping like a baby. His jetlag is wreaking havoc on him, poor thing. Only allows him to sleep a few hours at a time.”  
“What time is it?” He groaned into the phone, realizing he was probably meant to be somewhere.  
“Almost ten. You still got some time to get showered and caffeinated until your lunch-meeting.”

Taekwoon rubbed his forehead, feeling hungover without having drunk anything alcoholic. “I think I need coffee in an IV.” He muttered. Hakyeon chuckled.

“I’m sure Hongbin left the coffee on for you before he left for filming. Assuming he did leave…are you alone?”

Taekwoon flipped the duvet beside him to be sure. To no surprise; Wonshik was there and dead to the world. “Wonshik’s still here. The kids have left.”  
“Good.”  
“What about you?” Taekwoon asked, getting out of bed and padding to the en suite to shower.  
“On my way to a board meeting and then I’m stuck with Mother for the evening. I’m gonna pop by home to sleep for a bit first, though. I’ll need the energy. She’s having a _dinner party._ ”

Taekwoon groaned in sympathy. Hakyeon’s mother was a lovely being, but a little too eager and obsessed with finding her only son a wife to marry. She kept making up reasons for Hakyeon to come over so she could introduce him to her newest prospects. It made Hakyeon feel like a stallion sent to a breeding convention.

“Try to be nice.” Taekwoon told him, the implied message being not to wake suspicion on his secret affair with not only one, but five men.

They had a plan drawn out; Hakyeon would inherit his father’s position in a few years after working as his assistant to learn the trade, then when the papers were secure, he’d come out to his family. That way, in case of the worst-case scenario, his father couldn’t disown him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be a perfect prince charming.” Hakyeon sing-song-ed in a mock of his mother’s voice. Taekwoon snorted.

**

Wonshik was still thinking about the look in Sanghyuk’s eyes the night before and outside the nightclub. He’d overheard his conversation with Hakyeon, and it seemed that somehow it had made whatever was on his mind even worse. The worry had been clear in his expression and attitude, and after hearing Hakyeon’s recollection of the rooftop adventure with Jaehwan, Wonshik was surer than ever that he needed to have a talk with Sanghyuk. To see what was on his mind. He’d asked Hakyeon if he could be the one to relay the events to Sanghyuk, then arranged to meet in the riverside park for an evening walk. Sanghyuk had a group assignment meeting, so Wonshik would meet him on the way home and give him a ride.

Sanghyuk loved taking late-night strolls, especially along the river. Wonshik would have to hide behind a face-mask and borrow Taekwoon’s car, but it was worth the effort. They didn’t get to be just the two of them very often. University kept Sanghyuk busy at sporadic hours of the day and Wonshik was spending more and more time overseas. Their busy schedules were like a chokehold on their relationship, along with the secret-keeping and risks of exposure. It could be a bit much. Overwhelming and making them feel hopelessness. At those times it felt good to meet in smaller groups and talk about it instead of having a big ‘family’-meeting.

Wonshik showed up with his mask, a cap and hoodie. The weather was chilly, giving him the perfect excuse to cover up his tattoos. The clouds were threatening to rain, so he brought an umbrella from the car and settled on a bench near the river’s edge to wait. A few minutes later Sanghyuk was there, all fancy-dressed in his business attire – a semi-formal black suit with a grey shirt and skinny leather tie (a favourite of Hakyeon’s). They greeted with a hug, used to not being able to kiss each other in public.

 “How was your meeting?” Wonshik asked as they started walking slowly along the river path.  
“Just about the same as with any group-project. Everyone wants everyone else to step up, take charge and do the real work.”  
“Did you?”  
“I held out for about ten minutes before I lost resolve and became group leader.”  
Wonshik chuckled. “Congrats.”  
“I’m exhausted already, and we didn’t even do any real assignment work.” Sanghyuk sighed, shoulders visibly heavy. The worried look in his eyes creeped back, and it prompted Wonshik to walk closer so that their shoulders touched.

For a while, they walked in silence. Wonshik was a natural listener and didn’t really know how to initiate a conversation like the one he needed to start. It seemed like Sanghyuk needed some time to gather his thoughts anyway, Wonshik could see the process going on in his mind. They watched the lights of the city reflecting in the water, the rainbow-colored lights being cast from the bridge in front of them, felt the soft breeze from the wind and the tiny droplets of oncoming rain. Wonshik beckoned for them to change paths so that they’d cross the bridge and walk back on the other side.

Sanghyuk was brought out of his trance-like state of mind at the gentle hand tugging his elbow. He inhaled sharply from returning to real-time and shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts.

“Hyung.” He prompted. Wonshik hummed to show he was all ears. “Is Jaehwan leaving us?”

The question caught Wonshik so off-guard, he gasped at the sting he felt at the mere idea. Sanghyuk’s face fell as if Wonshik had confirmed his fears.

“Is he?!” He pressed, voice pitching up. Wonshik stopped him from walking and had to support himself on the bridge’s railing.  
“He hasn’t done anything that indicates anything like that, Hyuk-ah.”  
“But he’s acting different. He’s not really happy, I can tell.”

Wonshik realized something he hadn’t known; unlike the rest of them, as far as he knew, Sanghyuk was able to see through the walls Jaehwan built around himself.

“I know. He told me.” Wonshik said. Sanghyuk’s eyes widened and he tried to read Wonshik’s face.

“Not that he’s leaving, but that he’s scared we’ve moved on without him. You know how he is; he’s always been scared of being left behind. So instead he left first, I guess.” He sighed and Sanghyuk frowned. “After the Instagram mishap he blamed himself pretty harshly and went as far as punishing himself by separating himself from the only thing he loves. By moving away.”

“That’s-“ Sanghyuk cut him off, only to cut himself off, his words lost. A lump was stuck in his throat, recalling the hurt and confusion he’d felt back then.

“I know, it wasn’t exactly a decision driven by logic. He says he did it out of fear and guilt. He panicked. Then he felt like he couldn’t come back.” Wonshik’s voice turned thick as the words struggled out of him. He didn’t like saying this for Jaehwan. It felt like something he should say for himself. Sanghyuk’s head fell onto his arms resting on the railing and sighed shakily.

“Can we convince him to stay?” He asked, somehow still convinced Jaehwan was leaving them. Wonshik stood.  
“Hey. He’s not leaving. We’ll make sure of that.” He answered, a little harsher than he’d intended. Sanghyuk’s eyes turned into pity and fear combined.  
“We can’t force him to stay if he doesn’t want to.”  
“He doesn’t want to leave!” Wonshik exclaimed. His heart was racing, fear pumping through him. He knew his words were true, but the thought was still terrifying.  
“Did he say that?” Sanghyuk was turning carefully blank, shutting himself away more and more as his hopes left him.  
“Not directly, but hear me out.” Wonshik struggled, stressed out with having to fix this misconception Sanghyuk had created. He wished Hakyeon was there, once again, to save him. Sanghyuk stood as well, turning his body toward him to listen. That made Wonshik feel a little better, knowing he’d hear him out.

“Jaehwan is scared that _we_ will leave _him._ That in some ways, we already have. Does that sound like someone about to break up with you?”

Sanghyuk regarded this, then shook his head slowly. Wonshik could see him relax a little already.

“Right.” He continued. “Hakyeon says we need to help a little. Help him understand that we want him here. Make sure he knows we all want this, alright?”

“Right.”

“We just need to talk him down, hear him out, be there for him and show him that we need him. He needs to know, more than ever, that he’s not a burden to us.”

“Yeah.” Sanghyuk’s worried face smoothed out considerably. Wonshik was oddly short of breath, his heart still pounding like he’d been running. He kept a hand above his heart and took a deep breath to calm down.

“You’re okay now, right? You feel good? Anything else you need to get off your chest?”

Sanghyuk chuckled and caught him into a crushing, but comforting embrace. “Did I freak you out?”

Wonshik relaxed into his arms, heartbeat slowing to a steady beat as he controlled his breathing. “A little. I’m not good at this. I’m not usually the one with the answers.”

“I know. But you did well. I’m impressed.” Sanghyuk murmured into his hair, hugging him like they weren’t in public, swaying them from side to side.

“Thanks.” Wonshik sighed.

“Let’s go home.”


	2. Home but far away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger warning: described minor panic attack

Hakyeon returned home after his board meeting to take a nap for at least a few hours before he had to go to his parents’ house. A small ache of disappointment teased him when he entered through the front door to a completely dark and quiet apartment. He’d been hoping Jaehwan was still there or that maybe Taekwoon would be over to keep him company. He hated being alone, for the most part.

However, when he stepped into his bedroom he was pleasantly surprised to see Jaehwan sitting there reading manhwa in his bed. The bright smile on his face at the sight of Hakyeon was like a wonder medicine for his tired, battered soul. He threw himself onto the bed, across his legs, immediately with a satisfied groan.

“How come you knew exactly where I wished for you to be?” Hakyeon mused.

“You’re a very predictable man.” Jaehwan teased back, setting down his comic on the bedside table, then grabbing a pillow to smack Hakyeon’s ass.

“Am I, now?” He threw Jaehwan a mischievous look and then quickly grabbed hold of the duvet covering Jaehwan’s legs and rolled away with it, exposing him. Jaehwan’s bare legs immediately reacted to the colder air of the room and Jaehwan yelped. He threw himself out of bed to pick up the pillow he’d thrown, while Hakyeon desperately tried to detangle himself from the duvet. He knew what was coming for him and it made him movements frantic while uncontrolled giggles bubbled out of his mouth. Jaehwan made a victorious sound as he grabbed hold of the pillow and attacked by jumping back on the bed and smashing the pillow onto Hakyeon’s blocking arms. It hit him surprisingly hard and the pain only made Hakyeon laugh harder. Still, he was able to steal the pillow away from him and returned the attack with a pillow-smack right in Jaehwan’s face. He screamed as he was knocked over and off the bed’s other side, where he found the second pillow waiting. He sprang up to a stand and they then resorted to smashing the two pillows against each other until they had to strength left in their arms or air left in their lungs from laughing.

Hakyeon fell over on the bed with a hand on his stomach, his abs aching from the laughing and arms screaming in agony from the strain. Jaehwan stood by the bed, watching him and panting, still unable to stop laughing completely – the sounds coming out of him in uncontrolled bursts in between his breaths. Hakyeon opened his arms in invitation and Jaehwan sunk into his arms to lie on top of the slightly smaller man. They sighed happily as they settled against each other, making sure Hakyeon wasn’t being crushed. Jaehwan wrapped the duvet over them and slowly, while listening to Jaehwan’s soft humming to whatever song was on his mind, Hakyeon fell asleep.

He’d always thought Jaehwan would end up a singer. He’d pushed for it before, before he started attending university, but Jaehwan didn’t even once waver from his duties as a Lee family son. Hakyeon understood the sense of obligation, since he was an heir himself, but he’d always thought Jaehwan would break away one day and chase his own dreams instead. He was the third son, after all, so he didn’t have the same duties Hakyeon carried.

Jaehwan waited until he was sure Hakyeon was fully asleep, then carefully untangled himself and snuck out of the bedroom. He closed the door carefully and got dressed outside the door, then went to the kitchen to check his phone. He’d left it there to charge when he’d eaten cereal a few hours earlier. It was littered with notifications and messages, but Jaehwan ignored them all and went straight to the chatroom. It was only afternoon, so everyone but Wonshik would be busy that day, according to his calendar. The last message in the chatroom was Wonshik’s link to the article about them, then everyone’s relieved emojis. Considering how many hours ago that was, he couldn’t help but wonder if they had conversations going in a chatroom without him. He knew Hakyeon well enough to know he’d share their conversation from that morning. He decided for that very reason not to contact Wonshik for the time being. He didn’t feel like talking about it twice in the same day.

Dispatch had posted a peace offering, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was a trap. It might be a paranoid thought, but he felt like they were just waiting for them to let their guard down. The media had a way to create drama around him and had done so all his life, ever since he attended high school. According to his brother one of the higher ups in Dispatch had some dispute from way back. Which was a poor excuse to start writing scandals about a teenager. The articles sold, though, and his fame catapulted into a household name despite never doing anything to earn such fame beyond his family name. He’d grown up learning the hard way to be careful. He avoided all public displays of affection of any kind, with anyone. When forced to be interviewed he’d avoid all personal questions and keep the focus on the family business and his own education. He’d kept his image nice and clean for years by acting like a model citizen. And it all felt like an act. All these factors made his inner mischief go restless. At times he couldn’t decide whether the things he did and choices he made were made because he truly wanted it, out of spite or acting out his public persona.

For years he’d thought that way about his sexuality. He’d realised it in his late teens and had questioned it for years later, until the time came for him to suddenly fall in love with one of his boyfriends at a time. He fell in love five times. All men. All combined. It made him feel like he’d gone insane, most of the time. It just seemed so unlikely and impossible if he stepped back and reflected on it. It made him feel like the ultimate rebel. But he never doubted his love for them. It had taken time, but that fact had been well-established long before he’d even left for New York. It was his one even ground in a very bumpy world.

He set his phone down. He’d been home for almost three days already and hadn’t greeted his parents yet. His father must be pretty offended that he hadn’t come to pay his respects to the head of the family immediately. His jetlagged headache protested against stepping into that crowded house of theirs, but he knew that the longer he put it off, the worse it would become.

**

Hongbin arrived at a fully lit apartment with soft music playing when he returned home from filming that night. It wasn’t the most uncommon occurrence; the easiest way to get in touch with Hongbin when he was on a job, was by sleeping in his bed and hope he’d come home at some point, after all. Who, however, had made this decision was always a riddle. It could be any of his boyfriends. The smell of cooking ruled out both Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Sanghyuk, which left the options at Taekwoon, Wonshik… or his Mom. He knew about Wonshik taking a walk to talk to Sanghyuk after a lengthy phone call with Hakyeon earlier that day, so that ruled him out too.

He kicked off his shoes and padded into the apartment on quiet feet. The smell of food had his stomach growling angrily, but the music tuned it out for him. The music was hint enough, really, but he knew for sure who it was when he heard the voice occasionally humming and singing along.

“Hey Hyung.” He greeted the older man cooking dinner for him in a pink apron. He leaned against the archway to the kitchen from the hallway, crossed his arms and smiled at the pleasant view. Taekwoon cooking while singing was one of his favourite things to observe. It was a great way to blow away all his worries and stress like it was no fuss from the get-go. Taekwoon lost in his own world with cooking and music and the occasional dance moves filled him with joy.

Taekwoon looked up from the food at the sound of Hongbin’s voice and offered a little smile. “Hey.” He said with his signature soft voice that made every man in his life tingle with affection. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

“What’re you making?”

“Pasta.”

Hongbin felt spoiled; he’d been cooked for two nights in a row. He felt like he needed to make it up in some way, or he’d feel guilty later. He straightened and walked up beside Taekwoon in the cramped kitchen space and rested his chin on his shoulder. It wasn’t the most pleasant way to stand and rest his weight, but the grateful gesture sent the message. His hyung smiled.

“Anyone else coming tonight?” He asked, moving away to find plates and set the table. Taekwoon shook his head.

“Just you and me.”

Hongbin pretended to gasp in horror. “The others will starve!”

“You complaining?” Taekwoon teased. Hongbin grabbed the plates and added glasses to his pile.

“No, I’m genuinely concerned.” Hongbin answered flatly, bumping into Taekwoon with a smirk as he passed him.

“I’m sure they’ll manage somehow.” Taekwoon murmured, turning his attention back to the food.

“While I, on the other hand, is too helpless to feed myself and need to be cooked for every night?” Hongbin said dramatically, setting the plates down onto the dining table with a bang. Taekwoon flinched at the sharp sound.

“Wouldn’t want you to live off ramyeon for the entire week, would we?” He countered with an arched eyebrow, his lips twitching with amusement. Hongbin had to make an effort not to break character.

“Ohh, but I’m perfectly capable of breaking into Wonshik’s fridge and eat his mother’s cooking on my own, thanks.” He grinned with amusement when Taekwoon chuckled.

“I know you are.” He answered with clear amusement.

Hongbin set the plates and glasses, then came back for cutlery. Taekwoon was finished cooking his signature – only – pasta dish, rosé pasta. Hongbin’s good mood made it impossible for him not to press himself against Taekwoon’s backside as he was supposed to pass him to reach the cutlery drawer. He let his arms sneak their way around his waist and leaned his mouth against his ear.

“Thank you.” He murmured, then kissed the side of his neck and detangled himself quickly. Taekwoon shivered, gooseflesh covering his neck and arousal rising within him. He gave Hongbin a longing look. He’d almost dropped the frying pan in his hand from the sudden contact between them. Hongbin grabbed forks and spoons and followed behind him to the table.

Taekwoon wanted to talk about Jaehwan but thought it might be hard to bring up with their current mood. With Hongbin so busy with his drama for months, and the drama filming being nothing but a big burden that even ate itself into all of their lives, a night like this one was a rare thing. He didn’t want to waste Hongbin’s mood by bringing it down. Even if the conversation was an important one. While they ate in silence, he wondered if he should just bring it up and get it out of his hair, or keep flirting.

In his own silence he didn’t notice how Hongbin had done the same. When Taekwoon finally left his own thoughts, he saw the thoughtful look on Hongbin’s face. It was similar to Sanghyuk’s. The two of them were very different people, but yet somehow very in synch with each other without really realizing it themselves. At times they’d unconsciously adopt each other’s moods or feelings, giving them a sort of twin soul vibe. Hakyeon found it incredibly fascinating.

“Hyung.” Hongbin prompted, setting his fork down without finishing his food. Taekwoon looked up, once again snapped out of his thoughts.

“Hm?” He hummed in question, mindlessly chewing a shrimp.

“We’re not giving up on Jaehwan, right?”

Taekwoon’s eyebrows rose in surprise, because it wasn’t really the kind of question he’d expected. He then realized Hakyeon must’ve gotten through to him on the phone despite the filming and relaxed. He shook his head calmly. “Of course not.”

“Because he _wants_ to be with us, I know he does. Not just after what he told Hakyeon, I can feel it. He’s too scared to think we’d want him back.”

Taekwoon smiled with pride and adoration. Hongbin never seized to amaze him; despite his cold, sarcastic exterior, he was a lot more observant than one would think. “After talking to Hakyeon, I think you’re right. But I had my doubts too, before.”

Hongbin nodded in agreement.

“I think he’d ready to come back to us now. For good.” Taekwoon said with a serene smile. Hongbin let go of a relieved sigh and sagged back in his chair, eyes on the ceiling.

“Good to know we’re all on the same page.” He said, then reached for the water and emptied his glass in one go. “So Wonshik’s late night walk with Sanghyuk’s about this too, right?”

Taekwoon nodded. “He’s filling him up on what Hakyeon told us and ask him about that look he’s been wearing for a while now.”

Hongbin hummed. “Yeah, he’s been really worried.”

There had been only so much Hakyeon was able to tell Hongbin during their phone call, so while they cleared the table Taekwoon gave him more details. It was a challenge for Taekwoon, as he thought retelling it again wouldn’t give a proper image of the original speech. The words also felt too private and not for him to share for him. He felt it would’ve been better if Jaehwan told Hongbin himself, while he also knew that would’ve been very hard on him. Confiding in only one person was a lot easier than doing it several times or to a group.

Hongbin turned more and more thoughtful as the details sunk in. Taekwoon understood him well; it was really hard to hear that all their efforts had mostly been in vain. Even had the opposite effect, to some degree. When there were no dishes left for Hongbin to keep his hands busy anymore, he tensed up and just stood there for several minutes while Taekwoon finished the drying. When he was done, he grabbed Hongbin’s elbow and embraced him tightly to ease some of the tension.

“What if we’d driven him away completely in the end?” Hongbin whispered. Taekwoon turned his head and kissed his hair.  
“We didn’t.”  
“What if he’d never come back to us?”  
“But he did. He’s here now.”

Hongbin finally released the rigidness of his arms and shoulder and turned to return the hug. “I miss him.”  
“Me too.”  
“Even though he’s here, I still miss him.”  
“I know.”  
“We need him. I need him.”  
“Me too.”  
“So much.” Hongbin whimpered, holding back a dry sob. Taekwoon’s tightened his arms around him.  
“Me too.”

Taekwoon had to fight to keep back the tears that were threatening to well up in his eyes. He could feel the pressure and prickling of oncoming wetness. They were hugging so tightly they could barely breathe, but it still didn’t feel close enough for them. With a sudden rush of passion, Taekwoon pushed them apart only to take hold of Hongbin’s face and kiss him hard. The rough treatment made Hongbin moan into his mouth and arms grabbing at his sides. Taekwoon’s blood roared. Tongue slipped into his mouth and he gasped for air. He needed to feel skin. Hands moved to find their way under Hongbin’s shirt and roamed across his abdomen and sides, making him shiver. They moved towards the bedroom, ears roaring with the rush of blood and want. Lust and the despair of never feeling like they could get close enough to that longing that was burning so deep within.

**

Wonshik and Sanghyuk drove home in Taekwoon’s car and parked in the joined underground garage of their two apartment buildings. It was fairly late, time was stalking midnight, but the two didn’t feel like ending their day just yet. The chatroom had been quiet ever since Jaehwan informed them he was off to greet his family and Hakyeon spamming outfit options for his Mom’s dinner slash concealed blind date.

“I think Taekwoon went to Hongbin’s apartment.” Sanghyuk said, knowing what question was pressing in Wonshik’s mind while he stared at the chatroom. Wonshik looked up from the screen.

“Should we go see?”

Sanghyuk grimaced. “What if we walk in on them…” He trailed off, waving his hand in a way that could never be associated with what he was implying. Wonshik burst out a laugh.

“I don’t see the problem with that, Hyuk-ah.” He teased. Sanghyuk gave him a look, ears turning red.

It always amused Wonshik and Hakyeon how, despite having experienced just about everything there is to explore in a 5-person polyamorous relationship, he still somehow managed to seem completely innocent in one moment and then do a 180 turn-around to wicked the next. They appreciated the trait greatly, to Sanghyuk’s slight mortification.

“I don’t want to disturb if they’re having a moment, is all.” Sanghyuk mumbled, then left the car without looking at him. Wonshik laughed on.

“I have to go return the keys anyway.” Wonshik said as he got out of the car as well.

“Fine. Let’s go.” Sanghyuk bit back, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. Wonshik was too amused to let it go but knew how much his punches in the shoulder hurt enough to stop the teasing. He threw his arm around his shoulders, which was becoming increasingly harder as the younger grew, and lead them both into the elevator.

“We’ll ring the doorbell, if that makes you feel better.” He suggested, walking down the hallway of their floor. Sanghyuk rolled his eyes.

“Shut up.” He deadpanned and walked ahead to make a point of unlocking the door without ringing the doorbell first.

Wonshik wickedly hoped there _would_ be some action going on behind that door, but as they walked in through the narrow hallway and past the kitchen of Hongbin’s smaller apartment they were met with the sight of Taekwoon watching TV alone. He looked up at them and smiled. His hair was telling an entire story that Wonshik could easily imagine. Wonshik could only assume Hongbin was showering. His abdomen stirred at the direction his thoughts were going. Taekwoon noticed his eyes on the bathroom door with a certain glint in his eye that made Sanghyuk turn to look.

“It’s unlocked.” Taekwoon said softly, innocently, like he wasn’t basically telling Wonshik to go get some. Sanghyuk shook his head and threw himself on the couch beside him. Wonshik turned and gave Taekwoon a look of thanks with a small smile and disappeared into the bathroom without a word. Sanghyuk watched him go, gave Taekwoon an unintelligible look, then they both turned to the TV. Taekwoon’s favourite show, but Sanghyuk didn’t care for it. He tugged his legs in a cross onto the couch so he could face him.

“Any dinner left?”

Taekwoon shook his head and Sanghyuk hummed in thought. He was hungry.

“Wanna order chimaek?*” (*Chicken and Beer)

“Sure.”

He smirked; Taekwoon was a big sucker for late night snacks and drinks. He fetched his phone from his pocket and started to order through an app.

“How many beers?”

Taekwoon tilted his head in thought, trying to remember his schedule for the next day. “One for me, I have an early lunch meeting.”

Sanghyuk nodded. “I assume the rabbits will want a few. Is Hakyeon coming home tonight?”

Taekwoon snorted at the rabbit remark. “He’ll be home any time now.”

“Some for him too then. I bet he needs it after facing his Mother.”

A muffled cry escaped through the closed bathroom door. Taekwoon didn’t even blink, but Sanghyuk made a face. Why he reacted like this was as much a mystery to him as to them, but he’d figured out it was only when he wasn’t in on it. He didn’t like hearing or watching it, which was completely opposite from both Wonshik and Hakyeon – the very ones having the hardest time understanding his reactions. Jaehwan had made up a theory once, about him experiencing some trauma as a child and then supressing the memory. He highly doubted it, but his parents were very publicly affectionate people. He didn’t think it was a big deal either way, since all people are different.

He completed the order on the app and set his phone on the coffee table before lying down to rest his head in Taekwoon’s lap. He tried watching TV, Taekwoon’s show was an intense crime show that he was watching on-demand whenever he had time, but his eyes kept drifting shut. Taekwoon was watching with unbreakable attention, but as soon as Sanghyuk’s head landed on his thigh his hands found their way to his hair and trailed through it softly. Sanghyuk sighed with pleasure and felt himself drift.

Hongbin stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later, giving Taekwoon a telling look while towel-drying his wet hair. Taekwoon glanced away from the TV to feign innocence – he knew all-too-well what mischief he’d performed and Hongbin was going to punish him for it. He appreciated the view; Hongbin was only wearing sweatpants and showing off the abs he’d worked so hard for prior to filming the drama. They had a silent dialogue with their eyes only, along the lines of ‘you’re gonna pay for this’ and ‘I’m counting on it’. Hongbin rolled his eyes and strolled into his bedroom across the room to get dressed.

“The guy with the Jeju-dialect totally did it.” Sanghyuk told Taekwoon. Taekwoon looked down at him – his eyes were still closed. He frowned.

“No, his alibi is waterproof. You’d know if you were actually watching.”

Wonshik walked in from the bathroom in the same clothes he’d arrived in, but with wet hair.

“I am watching.” Sanghyuk said with amusement, peeking at the screen with one eye. Taekwoon snorted.

“Then you’d know his accent is fake.” Wonshik said as he settled himself beneath Sanghyuk’s legs, resting them on his lap. Taekwoon snapped around to look at him; he knew Wonshik had watched further than him on his own.

“No spoilers.” He told Wonshik strictly.

“Too late.” Sanghyuk chuckled. Taekwoon flicked his forehead.

“Hey.” Sanghyuk flinched away.

“So cute.” Wonshik mused, looking at him with affection. Sanghyuk wrinkled his nose. He didn’t particularly like being called cute. Taekwoon ruffled his hair.

The episode was about to end when they heard the faint sound of the door lock and turned their heads in sync, Sanghyuk sitting up. Hakyeon rushed through the door, face dark red with anger.

“I know I’ve said Mother can’t get any worse, but I am about to tell you she has reached NEW LEVELS of annoying.” He spat, kicked off his shoes in separate directions and wrung off his jacket to just leave it on the floor.

Hongbin stepped into the living room in sweatpants and hoodie like a question mark.

When Hakyeon finally reached the end of the hallway and looked up, all four of them were looking at him in question. His frown twitched towards a half-smile at the welcoming sight.

“You’re all here.” He sighed, still not used to Jaehwan being back.

There was no room left on the couch, so Hongbin settled on the floor between Wonshik and Sanghyuk’s legs and Hakyeon in front of the TV. The episode was about to end with a cliffhanger when it was suddenly turned off by Hakyeon’s finger on the off-button. Taekwoon whined. Hakyeon took a deep breath.

“CAN YOU believe that MY OWN MOTHER seriously thought she’d be able to marry me off to a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL?!” He shouted, throwing his arms out. Sanghyuk’s eyes bulged, Hongbin gasped, Wonshik and Taekwoon just froze. “And do you know what she said to me?” He laughed an unamused, hollow laugh. “Hoho, this is good. So good.”

He paused for impact. “She said: ‘But Hakyeonie, I thought that since you didn’t like any of the other women I brought to you, this is what you prefer!’ “

He gasped for air, turning slightly purple. Sanghyuk felt sick.

“She’s crazy! Completely nuts! She thinks I’m a paedophile! AND SHE’S OKAY WITH IT.” His voice pitched high at the end and he looked like he was about to burst into tears.

“I had. To tell my own mother that I’m not into teenagers. Fucking hell.” His voice cracked. Hearing him curse was a rare thing and it sounded wrong to their ears. Taekwoon flinched, holding his breath.

“And then-“ Tears were welling up and he sniffed. “she started yelling at me, telling me she didn’t understand what I want and why it was so hard for me to just do my duty and get married already. She even had the nerve to cry about it.”

Taekwoon’s breath hitched. “Did you..?”

“No.” Hakyeon said without hesitation. “I didn’t. I told her I believe in love and all that. Did a whole dramatic speech about it too, then I ran away.”

He deflated like a balloon, sinking to the floor. His skin turned back to his normal colour and his eyes went dull. He sighed, long and hollow, tears silently streaking down his face.

The four paralyzed men on the couch regained their ability to move the moment Hakyeon sank together. Sanghyuk was the first to move; launching himself into hugging Hakyeon and supporting him so he wouldn’t fall backwards. Hongbin and Wonshik came next, hugging them both from either side. Taekwoon sat down on his knees in front of them, hand reaching through the men between them and lifted Hakyeon’s head so he’d look at him.

“You were really brave, Hakyeon-ah.” He murmured, his jaw tight with anger. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so sorry you had to lie again.”

Taekwoon knew how hard it was on Hakyeon to keep this part of himself a secret to his family and the public. Not being able to share the happiest and hardest part of his life with anyone else but them, was torture to him. He was itching to tell the world that he had managed to not only find one love of his life, but five. It was his nature to share his love and happiness and hardships with others. To live in a world where that was impossible was like a cruel joke. Taekwoon saw the strain and hurt in Hakyeon’s eyes and ached for him. He understood, despite being the opposite himself. And he understood that Hakyeon felt bad for feeling this way as well.

They communicated this in silence, eyes sharing the feelings on their own. Hakyeon sniffed, breaking the connection.

“I love you, my loves.” He murmured, kissing the heads of the three men hugging him. With quiet voices they all echoed back and Hakyeon wished Jaehwan was there with them.

“Don’t you ever doubt it.” He added, hugging them tighter and looking at Taekwoon with sorrow.

**

“Hyung, have you ever wondered how things would have been if we were born somewhere else?” Sanghyuk asked Hakyeon the next morning. They were the only ones still left in Hongbin’s apartment. The sun had risen to a level where it blasted through the big bedroom windows on onto the large bed. Fully dressed and ready, having had breakfast with the others before they left for their schedules, they lay on top of the bedcovers basking in the sun. Hongbin’s bedroom had the best view among the three apartments they owned in that building, though it was decidedly the smallest.

Hakyeon hummed in thought at the question. He had, sort of, thought about it several times. But not in the way he knew Sanghyuk was thinking of right then.

“Instead of a different place, I sometimes think about how things could have been if we were born at a different time. A more progressed, accepting and diverse time. I wouldn’t want to be in any other country than South-Korea. I love being Korean and I love our culture.”

Sanghyuk made a thoughtful sound, considering his answer.

“Sometimes when I watch TV or read the news, I feel like we’re living stuck in the past in this country. But then I’ll hear about the terrible things happening to people who are different all over the world, even if their laws have accepted them. It makes me think that it doesn’t really matter where you’re born, because it’s not the location that’s the real problem. It’s the people in it.”

“Does that make you hate people?” Hakyeon asked softly, turning his head so he can look at him. Sanghyuk sighed.

“No. I pity them.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re too blind to see beyond their own horizon. Their own definition of beauty and love and the meaning of life.”

He paused to think.

“I mean; how amazing is it that in this life of hiding in shame and keeping ourselves distanced from other people, somehow we all managed to find each other and fall in love without tainting it with feelings of jealousy or selfishness?” Sanghyuk said seriously, then turned to Hakyeon so that they faced each other. Hakyeon felt an unbelievable pull towards him. The wonder of Sanghyuk’s mind and thoughts was still a miracle to him. How lucky was he to be able to have conversations like these with a man he also loved more than anything?

“It’s a miracle.” Hakyeon murmured with a fond smile. He wanted to kiss him so badly, but their faces were not aligned, and he didn’t want him to stop talking. He resorted to kissing his forehead.

“You’re my miracle.” He added.

Sanghyuk chuckled, pretending to cringe. “That was way too cheesy.”

Hakyeon frowned at him. “Then what do you call that whole speech you just did?”

Sanghyuk hummed in thought. “Philosophy.”

Hakyeon smiled. “Talk philosophy to me some more, it’s making my stomach stir with excitement.”

**

Jaehwan’s ears were ringing. That’s how bad the strain on his head and ears had been after spending 24 hours at the Lee family residence. ‘I should’ve brought earplugs’ he thought to himself while he drove home to his apartment. He’d slept terribly. It had been lonely alone in bed, even though he was supposed to have gotten used to that by then, and he’d felt restless and jittery from being surrounded by family. He needed a few more hours of sleep before he’d be ready to socialise again, he felt. In dire need of recharging his batteries, so to speak.

His father wouldn’t shut up about how he wanted him to start his new job right away, despite Jaehwan’s insistence on having a break over the summer first. His mother he been upset he didn’t bring a girlfriend home from New York (there had been an article, of course, about him dating one of his female classmates). Even though everyone knew that if he brought home anything non-Korean, she’d freak. It’d been hard to explain to his father why he didn’t want to start his job just yet and avoid talking about his boyfriends at the same time. He could only say that he needed some time off so many times before the excuse ran thin. Especially with how stubborn his father was. He’d run out of firepower way too fast and almost gave in to the pressure but was saved last minute by his mother changing the subject with a look of pity.

The only real joy had been to see his brothers and their children. They knew the real him, though not about his relationships, and that made him feel a lot more at ease. Due to the articles in the media, they had not-so-casually asked if Wonshik was his boyfriend – to which he denied. It was in their contract; even if caught – deny all relation. It might sound paranoid, but it was an important precaution to prevent a tsunami. Even them being a group of friends would create a massive surge of attention they didn’t want. The revelation of his and Wonshik’s friendship alone had created a massive stream of paparazzi press on his door. They’d covered it up as neighbours frequently bumping into each other, but the press was hungry for more juicy material. They’d gone to town with the New York thing, of course.

It was frustrating, of course, to hold it all in. It was a big part of his life and he had to hide it from the second largest part of his life. He knew the secret had a time limit. Whenever Hakyeon was set up for another blind date they were all reminded that at any time soon questions would be raised about their single statuses. The only exception was Taekwoon, since he was an orphan. To whoever was close enough to have a single care in the world, he was openly gay – but, officially, single. It was something they all really envied, since it made at least his days at work a bit more comfortable. It held them all back, like shackles. Then again; that made their time together so much more meaningful. Together was the only time they could let go of it all and just be themselves. The upcoming holiday would give them that for several days in a row, a luxury they had not been granted for a _very_ long time.

He was excited for their trip. They just had to wait for Hongbin’s drama to end, Wonshik’s schedule to end and Sanghyuk’s classes end. Then they would be off for a romantic getaway in the secluded Jung family beach house. Together twenty-four hours a day. In a single, small house.

Jaehwan suddenly got struck with nervousness. This was going to bring up everything they had supressed and shoved away in their minds over the last year. Would they end up fighting? Surely, they wouldn’t end up breaking up?

“Noooo.” He denied loudly into the empty car, making a face. Impossible.

As if on cue, Sanghyuk’s face lit up on the display of his car, the phone calling. He pressed the call button on his steering wheel.

“Hey Hyuk-ah.”  
“Hey Hyung. You far away?”   
“Nah, I’ll be home in 10 minutes or so. Should I stop by the supermarket?”   
“Not for my sake, I’m off to school. But I was wondering…” He trailed off.  
“Yeah?” Jaehwan encouraged.  
“Wanna get some pizza tonight, just you and me? I kinda wanna talk. About things… you know?”

He sounded a little unsure, like he was afraid Jaehwan would say no. Jaehwan smiled with affection.

“Yeah, sure, that sounds nice. Come to my place after class, alright?”  
“Okay. I’ll bring the pizza on my way.”   
“Get that really good one close to your campus, yeah?”  
“That one closed down, Hyung.”   
“Oh…”  
“I know a good one, trust me. You’ll love it.”   
“I’m sure. See you later then.”  
“Drive safe.”

Sanghyuk ended the call. Jaehwan’s stomach was churning. The pizza place closing down was a kick-to-the-stomach reminder of his absence. And Sanghyuk had gone back to calling him ‘hyung’, which felt distancing. They’d talk it out, he was sure, but he couldn’t make himself look forward to it. He didn’t like talking about these things, but it would be good to get it out of the way.

He knew Wonshik had talked to him, so he called Wonshik to hear how it went.

“Hey.” Wonshik answered after a long wait.  
“Hey, what’s up?”  
“I’m packing.”  
“Your schedule’s overseas?”  
“Yeah, Bali.”  
“Whoah.”

Wonshik chuckled at the envy in his voice. “It’s only for two nights. I won’t have any time to enjoy it.”   
“Bring me some souvenirs.”  
“I’ll try.”  
“Uhm, so, Hakyeon said you and Sanghyuk had a talk about the whole… New York thing?”

There was a pause; Wonshik stopped what he was doing to focus on the question and his answer. “Yeah, last night.”   
“How’d it go?”  
“Jaehwan-ah. Don’t worry about it. We understand how you feel, alright? Don’t torture yourself about this. Please.” Wonshik told him with a sigh. Jaehwan felt a little stab of guilt for being so insecure.

“I’m not, It’s okay, I’m fine-“ He realised too late he was rambling, which made him sound very unconvincing. He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to ask you if there’s anything I should know. About how Sanghyuk feels about this thing. We’re meeting up tonight to eat dinner and talk a bit and I…” He sighed, feeling like he was making too much out of it. “I just wanna come prepared, you know?”

Wonshik hummed and took a moment to think back at the conversation. “He’s just scared. But I talked some sense into him, don’t worry.”

Jaehwan’s stomach stirred again. “Scared of what?”

Wonshik hesitated, his breath catching. “That you…” He huffed, clearly uncomfortable. “That you’ll leave us again.” He coughed.

Jaehwan felt the guilt stir like acid in his stomach, making him feel like he had to throw up. He’d been expecting them to feel that way, he’d been prepared, but at the same time he’d had a tiny bit of hope they didn’t. That hope went out like a candle at Wonshik’s hesitant words. The fact that he was so reluctant to say it only confirmed how true it was. He breathed heavily, trying to keep the contents of his stomach down.

The silence was freaking Wonshik out, especially when he was unable to see Jaehwan’s reaction over the phone. “Hey, he’s fine. We talked about it and we know you won’t leave like that again. I’m sure he just wants to catch up with you and stuff tonight.”

Jaehwan took a deep breath, trying to calm himself and focus on the road. “Yeah. Right.”

His mind was racing. How could they be sure he wouldn’t leave again? He’d done it once; he’d proved he could do it. Was _he_ sure he’d be able to stay if things got bad again?

He had no idea.

“Jaehwan.”

He snapped out of his thoughts, then hit the break hard to avoid running on a yellow light. His heart was beating so hard it hurt his chest. What if he’d run on the light and died?

“Yeah?” He forced out, trying to sound calm but failing.

Would he really not leave them again?

“Are you far from home?”

He looked at the street names above his car. “Three blocks.”

“I’ll meet you in the parking basement, okay? Stay calm.”

His breath was coming in and out in short puffs, his chest contracting like it was being stepped on.

“Okay.” The light turned green and he drove forward with care.

“Breathe in and count to five.”

He could hear the sound of Wonshik walking into the elevator. He took a deep breath and counted in his mind.

“Good. Exhale.” Wonshik told him calmly. Jaehwan exhaled shakily. His heart was slowing slightly, but the pressure on his chest and behind his eyes was relentless. He hit a streak of green lights, the midday traffic light. Soon he could see their buildings and relief washed over him.

Wonshik was waiting for him at his assigned spot. He was hugging himself and looked pretty stressed and guilty. The moment Jaehwan opened the door and stepped out of the car, he was crushed into a tight embrace.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have scared you like that over the phone, I don’t know what I was thinking.” Wonshik rambled.

A sob wrecked its way through Jaehwan’s body. “I don’t want to leave. I swear. I don’t want to.”

“I know, I know. I believe you.” Wonshik hugged him tighter.

The embrace did its work on his anxiety attack; his heartbeat calming slowly and the ability to breathe properly returning with it. They stood there for several minutes, Jaehwan concentrating on his breathing. When his lungs slowly starting to work like normal, he felt himself relax and sighed into Wonshik’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” Wonshik whispered.

“It’s okay, I asked, and you answered.”

Wonshik parted them to look him up and down, doing a quick status check. “Still-“

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Jaehwan tried to smile reassuringly. Wonshik looked only half-convinced.

“You had breakfast yet?” Wonshik asked softly, releasing him from his grasp.  
“I heard there’s soup.” Jaehwan said tiredly. He was exhausted already. He was definitely taking that nap.  
“Yeah, at Hongbin’s.”  
“Will you join me?”  
“For a bit. I really do need to pack.” Wonshik said apologetically. Jaehwan nodded, relieved he wouldn’t be alone right away. He had no idea what everyone’s schedules where and where they were at. It would take some time for him to get used to having access to their joined calendar again, a very overwhelming feature in their days. He’d tried to have a look at it when he woke up that morning, but it was just too much to process before coffee and breakfast. It was a strangely lonely feeling to be so out of the loop.

**

_Wonshik  
_ _I’m off then. See you in three days._

_Hakyeon  
_ _You sure you got everything? Passport? Ticket? Wallet?_

_Sanghyuk  
_ _Swimming trunks?_

_Wonshik  
_ _Yes, yes, yes and yes._

_Hongbin  
_ _Have fun!_

_Hakyeon  
_ _Good. See you!_

Hongbin watched his phone smiling. He was wrapped in a giant winter coat, sitting in his own chair with his character’s name on it on set. He was almost done for the day, just needed to appear a little more in an upcoming scene, then he could go home. It would be his earliest night in more than a week, and his body liked to remind him of it. He was becoming a coffee-drinker on Taekwoon’s level, a fact he fully blamed him for. Taekwoon was a silent guardian of sorts; he knew Hongbin was having a tough time at work and therefore kept showing up at his apartment to feed him, make him sleep early and fuel him with coffee in the mornings. He appreciated it greatly, in silence.

The mood on set was bad. The drama had started airing before they ended filming, and the ratings were way down. Initially they had a strong start, the marketing team had created a lot of hype around it online, but only on the third episode the viewer ratings had plummeted. The writers and director were in disagreement, the story had been rewritten to better please the audience, old scenes had to be reshot and Hongbin’s days became longer and longer. He was the second male lead, a very well-known and established character trope. They started off staying true to that trope, but as the story had been rewritten hastily and sloppily, he had been turned into a plot-twist villain. It didn’t suit the character at all and Hongbin had to rebuild the character within himself. It was chaotic, stressful and not fun at all. It was sucking all the joy of acting Hongbin had and he couldn’t wait for it to be over so he could find something more interesting. As long as this drama didn’t completely ruin his career. A thought he was trying to actively avoid.

“You’re up.” Hongbin’s manager told him. He’d drifted, sleepy and cold despite the jacket. They were filming in a massive, empty storage building and despite the sunny weather earlier in the day, it was freezing cold in there. He got up from his seat and shivered at the cold air as he undressed his jacket. Beneath he was wearing a black suit, but it did nothing to protect him from the cold air when he was cold to the marrow already from the long filming.

“I can’t wait for this to be over.” He mumbled, taking a sip of water handed to him by the manager. The manager smiled with pity.

“Soon. Only a few more days.”

Hongbin sighed and walked onto set with his shoulders hunched, a sore cough wrecking through him.

**

“Pizza’s here!” Sanghyuk called when he stepped through the door to Jaehwan’s apartment. He kicked off his shoes, balancing the big box of pizza on his hand. Jaehwan appeared in the hallway.

“Hey!” He called back, slightly out of breath. He was flushed and looked a bit stressed. Sanghyuk furrowed his brows.

“What’s up?”

Jaehwan looked surprised. “What? Nothing. I was unpacking.”

Sanghyuk chuckled. “Did you time yourself?”

Jaehwan took the pizza box from him, blushing slightly. “I was listening to music.”

They entered the living room and set the pizza on the table, already set with plates, drinks and glasses. Jaehwan had bought both soda and beer. Feeling slightly awkward with each other; they silently shuffled to sit down and opened the pizza box.

“I asked them to replicate your favourite pizza. I couldn’t remember all the toppings, but I think I got most of it.” Sanghyuk explained. Jaehwan huffed with a smile. His favourite pizza; all the toppings available, with selected exceptions, and sweet potato stuffed crust. It was a touching gesture that made the nervousness in Jaehwan’s stomach calm a little.

“Thank you.” His voice was warm and Sanghyuk perked.

He regretted telling Jaehwan that he wanted to talk about New York. It had thrown their mood off, made them both nervous about seeing each other. He wanted them to have a comfortable evening with pizza, drinks and catching up. He’d been starved from information about Jaehwan’s life overseas. He wanted to know more about his life and experiences there. And he wanted to know if he’d been able to enjoy it at all. He hoped he had, despite it all.

They started eating in silence, neither really knowing how to start the conversation, both having different expectations for the contents of it.

“How-“  
“Did-“

They spoke at the same time, then cut off at the same time to let the other speak. They looked at each other in puzzlement for a second, then chuckled. Jaehwan took another piece of his pizza, waving at Sanghyuk to continue. He nodded, smiling at how cliché that was.

“I wanted to ask you how New York was. Us aside, just how school was, and did you do anything cool, I mean.”

A feeling of relief washed over Jaehwan like a calming wave against the acid in his gut. He finished chewing his food while thinking.

“School was nice. There wasn’t as much pressure to perform when I didn’t have my father looming over me all the time, you know? Here everyone knew who I was and my legacy. Professors would use my father as an example just because I was there and stuff. It was really embarrassing, to be honest, because it kept reminding me how I can’t compare to what he accomplished because he accomplished it all through poverty and hardship, while I grew up fortunate and privileged. At NYU nobody knew or cared who I was. The professors treated me like the mediocre student I am, and it made me make more effort to prove them wrong. My grades improved a lot, actually.” He took a sip of soda. He’d never had the chance to tell that to anyone before and he realised it felt good to let out. Sanghyuk watched him with peaked interest and didn’t look at all hurt at the fact that he didn’t say things were terrible because they weren’t there. He was being genuinely interested and supportive, which was really comforting.

“I lived in a normal student dorm provided by the school, since I applied so last-minute, and lived in a wing dedicated to international students. I’d expected there to be a bunch of east-Asians there for some reason, but all my neighbours were from Europe and the Middle East. I made a few friends, but my English is a little clumsy compared to theirs.” He blushed. He’d struggled a lot with misunderstandings, not just because of his own skill level with the language, but the others’ as well. Likewise; it had resulted in many laughs as well.

Sanghyuk smiled. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It was. We went to a music festival for spring break and not a single paparazzi followed me there and it felt so great to just be free of it all.” He sighed. “I was open about it there, you know? I didn’t hide that I was gay, but I didn’t announce it either. I just didn’t lie about it and that felt…just so amazing. I felt free.”

The happy glow in Sanghyuk’s eyes dimmed and he nodded seriously. Jaehwan could see his jaw clench.

While they all found their situation uncomfortable and unfair, Sanghyuk was the one most vocal about wanting to move away together to escape it all. He’d held many speeches for them where he wanted them to buy an island somewhere and just live there for the rest of their lives, together. It wasn’t like it was impossible, but it just wasn’t realistic to believe they would be happy living away from everything they knew – essentially in hiding. Then Sanghyuk would argue it was better than the alternative; hiding in the open, lying to the people they loved.

Jaehwan tried to steer away from the subject, not wanting to discuss it with Sanghyuk alone.

“Things were good. I made it easier to forget about everything else. It was just so easy to shove all my troubles away and live in the moment. Kind of like being on a holiday from my life? I guess you can call it that.” He mused. Sanghyuk’s jaw relaxed, but the look in his eyes was becoming increasingly sad. Jaehwan couldn’t look and stared at his next pizza slice resting on his plate instead.

“I missed you guys. I wished you were there with me, experiencing the same thing. When I didn’t want to come back, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to come back to you. I didn’t want to go back into hiding. Back to lying, hiding from paparazzi, feeling guilty for not being as happy as I should be for being with you.” His voice went increasingly soft as the words tumbled out without any editing.

Sanghyuk sighed. “I get it.”

Jaehwan looked up.

“I hate it too. We all do.” He sighed again. He sounded so sad, Jaehwan wanted to hold him. “I think that if given the option, we’d all benefit from a break from it all. Even from us.”

Jaehwan swallowed. He didn’t quite like the thought of that. It sounded too close to breaking up.

“But I think our trip to the beach house is going to help us regroup. We all need to talk about this, and we all need some time to be together without hiding inside one of our apartments. Just have some fun together, you know? It’ll make us stronger, I think.”

“Like a team bonding exercise?” Jaehwan thought back at the organization and leadership theory classes he’d been in. He hadn’t thought of them that way but considering how many they were, it made sense.

Sanghyuk nodded. “Yeah. Teambuilding.”

“Huh.” Jaehwan sat back, letting the idea take root. It instantly made him feel better. His earlier fears of being coped up together in a confined house went still. “You’re right.”

Sanghyuk smiled cheekily, nodding. “I usually am.”

Jaehwan chuckled, charmed. He opened a can of beer and poured it into Sanghyuk’s glass. “So, what about you? Anything new?” He asked cheerily. He was feeling much better. Sanghyuk picked up the beer and took a long sip. He made it look a lot more refreshing than it really was.

“Father wants me to intern in the business over the summer, but I refuse.” He started. Sanghyuk’s father owned a talent agency, the very one representing both Wonshik and Hongbin in fact, and he was the heir. He was in his third year of studying commercial business and seemed to like it well enough. “I want to work for someone else, hopefully without revealing who my father is, so I can see how other agencies do things.”

“Sounds like a good idea. Only ever working in the same company can narrow your experience too much.” Jaehwan agreed.  
“Right? Father isn’t a fan. I think he’s being impatient about me coming to work with him.”   
“He’s getting old.” Jaehwan teased. Sanghyuk’s father married pretty late to a semi-famous, younger actress. They divorced quickly after Sanghyuk was born and Sanghyuk was raised by his father and a nanny. His mother was still active in daytime television and him being her son was a well-kept, expensive secret that protected his identity from media attention to a certain degree.

Sanghyuk chuckled. “I bet he just wants to retire. He’s very tired these days.”

“Don’t let that stop you from making sure you’re ready to take over before you do.” Jaehwan warned. Sanghyuk was young, way too young to let his life be turned upside down by becoming the CEO of a big company.

“I won’t.” Sanghyuk nodded in confirmation.

“What about school?” Jaehwan prompted on.

“It’s fine. Too many group projects for my taste. Means I spend a lot of evenings out trying to make people cooperate. It’s not fun at all and leaved with less time with you guys.”

“You’re doing one now, right?” Jaehwan poured a beer for himself and took a sip. The pizza wasn’t finished, but they’d both stopped eating. Sanghyuk picked up his glass and leaned back in his seat.

“Yeah. It’s one of the finals. The professor made us randomly and my group’s absolutely terrible.”

Jaehwan chuckled. Sanghyuk was the demanding type. He had high expectations and disliked it when people didn’t do what they said they would do or was told to do. It was a rather new trait, but Jaehwan had noticed a difference over the years. He was becoming a leader.

“Group projects are the worst. But it’s almost over, right? A few more days and then you’re free from them.” Jaehwan lifted his glass for a toast. Sanghyuk raised his glass against his.

“Thank goodness for that.” Sanghyuk said it with a sigh but smiled at him anyway. His tired eyes glimmered with hope and anticipation. Jaehwan felt the hope grow in him. He wanted Sanghyuk to be right. That they would go on that holiday and come back renewed and strong. Maybe even with a plan for the future?

Jaehwan’s phone started vibrating on the kitchen counter. He glanced at it, then decided to ignore it. Then Sanghyuk’s phone vibrated too, in his pocket, with a message.

_Taekwoon  
_ _Check Naver_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and please anticipate the next and last chapter of this trilogy~ 
> 
> P.S: I made a twitter account! If you want, you may follow me @aVikingwriting


	3. Talk me down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up adding another chapter to this because my scenes became longer and multiplied as I wrote. So the next one will be the last, not this one.

“Hyung.” Sanghyuk’s voice was alarmed. Hakyeon stopped in his tracks in the hallway of his office.

“What is it? Did something happen?”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
“What? Hyuk-ah, tell me.”  
“I swear, I looked around to see if there were people there first. I swear.” Sanghyuk was getting increasingly panicked. Hakyeon could hear the faint sound of someone else with him, trying to calm him down.

“Sanghyuk. What are you talking about?”

The phone got taken away from him. Jaehwan’s voice appeared. “Did you get Taekwoon’s message?”

Jaehwan was short of breath and Hakyeon frowned. “I was in a late meeting, I stepped out when you suddenly called me three times in a row, what’s going on?” His heart started beating rapidly. His first thought was Wonshik on a plane, on his way to Bali. His stomach dropped.

“Someone posted a picture.” Jaehwan rushed.

He breathed. Not a plane crash. Can’t be worse than a plane crash.

“Yes?”  
“It’s not entirely visible, but they were able to recognise Wonshik. You can’t see who it is in the picture, but it looks like he’s about to kiss Sanghyuk. It’s very obvious he’s with a man.” Jaehwan talked like he was running.

A sudden, splitting headache hit Hakyeon without warning. He flinched and took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm.

“It was just a hug!” Sanghyuk called out, clearly frustrated.

“Hakyeon-ah!”

Hakyeon startled, turned around where he stood and saw Taekwoon coming toward him. His heart clenched at the sight; Taekwoon was worried. His jaw was set, and his eyes showed a very rare cold fear.

“Is Wonshik still in the air?” He asked Jaehwan through the phone as Taekwoon approached him. He grabbed his hand without a word, only a quick look to show he knew what was up and dragged them both into an empty meeting room down the hall. He closed the door and locked it while Taekwoon took care of the blinds out towards the hallway.

“Yeah.” Jaehwan confirmed. Sanghyuk’s voice murmured in the background. Hakyeon put the phone on speaker and set it on the table as they huddled around it. “His flight is scheduled to land in about thirty minutes.”

“Who posted the picture? Dispatch?” Hakyeon asked them both but looked at Taekwoon.

Taekwoon answered. “It was posted on a Naver blog last night. The blogger didn’t know who Wonshik was and wrote about public display of affection. I’m guessing a reader recognised him eventually and the blogpost started spreading.”

“It’s climbing the search ratings at the moment. Everyone’s assuming it’s a kiss.” Sanghyuk interjected. It sounded like they’d put it on speaker phones as well.

Hakyeon’s eyes buried themselves into Taekwoon. They needed to stay strong and stable through this. He needed not to panic and make rash decisions based on his emotions. Taekwoon took a deep breath to calm himself. Hakyeon could feel the waves of rage come from him. His protective instincts were going haywire and he’d come to Hakyeon so he could help him calm down the impulses he was holding down.

“Fuck.” Hakyeon said through gritted teeth. He was trying to make his brain work. To find _some_ sort of solution to their problem right away. A miracle cure, an escape route, _anything._

“God, I’m so sorry.” Sanghyuk’s voice crumbled with misery and Jaehwan hushed him softly.

“Love. It’s not your fault. You checked. It’s out of your hands.” Jaehwan told him quietly. Hakyeon longed to be there with them. To hug them tight.  
“No one’s blaming you, Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon said softly.  
“Did anyone get in touch with Hongbin?” Hakyeon asked.

Taekwoon nodded, then his eyes flickered to the phone and he said yes. “I got hold of his manager. I told him it’s an emergency, but not what exactly. They’re driving him home at the moment.”

“Did you tell him to come here?” Jaehwan asked.  
“Where are you?” Taekwoon asked, picking up his phone from his pocket. The screen had cracked, Hakyeon noticed. Did he drop it when he found out? Or maybe he hurled it into a wall.

“At my place.” Jaehwan answered.  
“I’ll text him.” Taekwoon said and his fingers tapped rapidly on the screen.

Hakyeon could breathe easier hearing Jaehwan seemed to have some degree of calm to keep Sanghyuk in check with. He’d worried he’d might panic about something like this so soon after he returned from a similar – yet much less revealing – scandal. Then again; Jaehwan was the most exposed of them all. He’d been in the spotlight most of his life, involuntarily. He felt like he could trust him to relay the news to Hongbin without making him panic.

“Should we contact Wonshik’s parents?” Jaehwan suddenly asked. Taekwoon looked up from his phone with a questioning frown. “With Wonshik out of the country they’ll be the first ones the press will turn to.”

“It’s late. Maybe the press won’t jump on this until tomorrow?” Sanghyuk asked carefully, knowing he had no clue about this sort of thing compared to Jaehwan.

“We can’t take that risk. We need to prepare them for what might come and what they need to tell them.” Jaehwan said matter-of-factly. Hakyeon could almost sigh in relief from being relieved some of the burden, if his lungs weren’t pressed into his throat already. Taekwoon’s hand came to a rest on his shoulder and their foreheads met with a half-embrace.

“What do they know?” Hakyeon asked. He’d never talked to Wonshik about his family and a pang of guilt shot through him. Wonshik was such a good listener, he rarely got listened to.

“As far as I know, only his sister knows about his sexuality.” Sanghyuk said.  
“Then we should contact her.” Jaehwan told them. “She’ll handle the press for the family.”  
“What’s our story?” Taekwoon asked.

They all fell silent. There wasn’t really a way to explain it away. The man in the picture was clearly Wonshik, and the other was clearly a man. Sanghyuk’s back was to the camera and his clothing was generic, as well as his hair. You’d have to know Sanghyuk very well to recognise him. The position suggested kissing, and the blog said they were kissing, but their mouths were not visible.

“A kiss on the cheek?” Jaehwan suggested, clearly brainstorming.  
“He’s not European.” Sanghyuk said.  
“What if the other man is?” Hakyeon shot in, perked up. But Taekwoon shook his head in doubt.  
“I don’t think we can push that through when there’s an eyewitness. It’ll be his word against theirs and I know who the press will want to believe.” Taekwoon said with bitterness in his voice.

There was a sound in the background on the other side of the line. “I think that’s Hongbin.” Jaehwan said and there was sounds of movement.

“Hey guys, what’s going on? Manager Lee said there’s an emergency. Is anyone hurt?” Hongbin’s rushed voice was enough to break Hakyeon’s already fragile heart. He had so much on his plate at the moment, and now they were adding to it.

Jaehwan sat him down and they calmly explained, showed him the picture and got him up to speed with their brainstorming. Hongbin let out an exasperated sigh and Hakyeon could picture his face perfectly.

“Our agency already knows he’s gay, so they won’t care if he goes open about it.” Hongbin said.

Hakyeon straightened in surprise, Taekwoon’s breath hitched. “They know?” Hakyeon asked.

“Yeah. As you know, we both told our managers to keep things a little simpler. After that things have kind of… naturally become known, you know? It hasn’t been treated like a big deal at all and it’s not openly acknowledged either. People at the agency just know. And they’re okay with it.” Hongbin explained. Hakyeon and Taekwoon stared at the phone in surprised disbelief. The silence on the other side suggested the two others were doing the same.

“Huh.” Jaehwan said, first to break the silence.

Hakyeon couldn’t help himself; he chuckled. “How about that.”

“I still don’t think coming out publicly is a good idea though. The press will want to know who he’s with. What if the blogger can describe Sanghyuk? The reach isn’t that far with Sanghyuk being the heir to the agency.” Jaehwan added. Hongbin hummed in agreement.

“So, we can’t deny, but we can’t confirm, and we can’t lie. What do we do?” Hongbin asked with a sigh.  
“We diverge.” Taekwoon said suddenly, seriousness in his tone.  
“How?” Jaehwan asked.

“I go public.” Taekwoon answered. Hakyeon shook his head quickly, his heartrate picking up with increasing dread as he imagined the love of his life stepping into a shredder. Taekwoon wasn’t a public figure. He had no following to support him. They could tear him apart and no one would care. Just another rich guy getting what’s coming for him. Gooseflesh spread across his skin.

“No.” He said with no opening for discussion. Taekwoon sighed, eyes pleading. Hakyeon didn’t budge and inch. He took Taekwoon’s hand and squeezed. He knew Taekwoon would rather throw himself into the fire than let Wonshik get hurt, but Hakyeon wasn’t going to let him.

“A diversion isn’t a bad idea though.” Hongbin said thoughtfully.

“First of all, we need to get the blogger to remove the picture.” Jaehwan told them. “It’s posted without permission. It’ll be easier to forget about it if it’s gone. Wonshik’s not _that_ famous, we can handle a bit of speculation.”

Taekwoon lit up. “On it.”

He fetched his phone again and Hakyeon could see the name of one of his lawyers on the screen as the phone started ringing her up. Taekwoon got up and stepped out into the hallway with a squeeze on Hakyeon’s shoulder.

“God, I feel so bad for Wonshik. He’s gonna be so overwhelmed when he turns his phone back on.” Hakyeon whined, rubbing his face with frustration. Tiredness was coming over him in waves as the initial surge of adrenaline wore off.

“I’ll call him the moment his plane’s status says he’s landed; we’re tracking it on my phone. Hopefully he turns his phone back on right away.” Jaehwan stated.

“How do we even explain who the other person is, though? People are asking questions all over the place online.” Sanghyuk asked, scrolling the blog’s comments on his phone.

“Any assumptions on who it is?” Hongbin asked.  
“There are actually some suggesting Jaehwan here.” He answered breathlessly.  
“Are they negative? Or do they think it’s a good thing if it’s Jaehwan?” Hakyeon perked up and asked quickly.  
“Uhh, it’s kinda hard to tell, people are just throwing names around without further explanation.”

“Hyung, I can’t go public, I’ll lose my inheritance.” Jaehwan’s voice was tight, almost a wheeze, like he was having trouble breathing. Hakyeon was taken aback at his quick jump to conclusion to the thought behind Hakyeon’s question.

“I wasn’t-“ He started, but was cut off as Taekwoon burst back into the room.  
“My lawyer says we should all report the post for invasion of privacy, and that Wonshik himself needs to make the move for it to be fully removed.” He rushed out, sitting down. His brow was covered in a shiny sheen of sweat and Hakyeon reached out to brush away his short bangs.

“Okay, let’s all report it. We’ll make Wonshik remove it first and foremost when we call him. When is he landing?” Hongbin told them all, taking control.

“In five.” Jaehwan answered, still sounding upset to Hakyeon.  
“I’ll call our management and tell them to request for it to be taken down as well.” Hongbin said, then the sound of a chair pulling away as he left to take the call in another room. Hakyeon saw the window and seized it.

“Jaehwan, I didn’t mean that you should come out, I was just curious about the opinion around you.” He explained, pained, feeling sorry for upsetting Jaehwan in an already stressful situation. A sigh sounded on the other side of the line.

“Okay. Sorry. You just startled me.” Jaehwan told him in another sigh, sounding like he was calming down but still a little upset. Hakyeon frowned, threw a worried look at Taekwoon, which was mirrored. He didn’t know what Hakyeon had said. He’d have to explain later. And talk to Jaehwan and make sure he hadn’t done any lasting damage.

A slightly uncomfortable silence followed, until Sanghyuk forcefully broke it.  
“Plane has landed. Jaehwan, could you call? I’m just gonna end up rambling.”  
“Yeah, sure. Let’s hope he turns on his phone right away.”

Another sound of chair legs against flooring and Hakyeon and Taekwoon was left with Sanghyuk alone on the line. He turned off the speaker.

“Hyuk-ah, you doing okay?” Taekwoon asked timidly. Another sigh sounded. He’d come down from the initial shock, Hakyeon reflected.  
“Not really.” He answered quietly. Hakyeon bit his lip to hold back the word vomit he felt coming, which had good intentions but wouldn’t help in this kind of situation. Sanghyuk wasn’t in need of a pep talk or sympathy, only understanding.

“We’ll figure something out, we always do. This is just a small thing blown out of proportions because we have so much to lose, alright? We’re all scared, and that’s okay. We’re handling it in the only way we can think of and that’s all we can do at the moment.” Taekwoon told him calmly. Hakyeon’s mouth fell open in a flutter of awe and immediate attraction. He took Taekwoon’s hand and squeezed it, letting his head rest on his shoulder for a moment. How good it felt to have others to count on when you yourself didn’t feel like you had enough reach.

Sanghyuk sighed again, but it sounded lighter. He was feeling a little better.

“Hey.” They heard Hongbin’s voice in the background and the speaker was turned back on. “So our management was already on it. They’re having it removed as we speak. They have ties within Naver, so they’ll get rid of it pretty quick. They’re going to have a meeting in the morning to decide whether Wonshik should do a press release or not.”

“I’m leaning towards just pretending it didn’t happen.” Hakyeon suggested.

“I got him! He answered!” Jaehwan’s voice called in the distance. Hakyeon and Taekwoon both straightened in their seats.

Jaehwan and Hongbin took their time explaining what the fuzz was about, then calming a mildly panicked Wonshik with Hongbin’s message from their management.

“This feels too easy, somehow.” Sanghyuk murmured, only Hakyeon and Taekwoon hearing him.  
“We’ll all lay low until we go for our trip, in case the paparazzi decides to join the party.” Hakyeon answered.

**

Wonshik was safely at the hotel in Bali with his manager by the time he hung up on Jaehwan and Hongbin. Sanghyuk had talked to him for a minute at the end, sounding absolutely shattered about the situation he felt he’d put Wonshik in. Wonshik felt the opposite; in his mind this was all his fault. He should’ve been more careful, should talked to Sanghyuk at home instead of at a public park, on a public bridge. _In public._ What was he even thinking?

It dawned on him he was starting to get more how Jaehwan felt when he left for New York.

“The management’s got this all under control Wonshik-ah, so don’t worry about a thing and make sure you’re well rested for your shoot tomorrow, alright?” His manager told him as they entered the hotel room. Wonshik hadn’t even noticed they’d checked in. He nodded absentmindedly, only half-listening to what he was saying. He gave Wonshik a long, thoughtful look before he finally nodded to himself and told him goodnight before leaving the room.

Wonshik fell backwards on the bed and stared at the roof. His heart was beating hard in his chest, painfully so, and his mind was racing with so many different thoughts and flashbacks it was impossible to distinguish them from another. It all became an overwhelming jumble that slowly turned into a massive headache. He closed his eyes and groaned as the first flash of pain hit him. He rolled over on his side, sliding off the bed to sit on his knees on the floor and opened the front pocket of his backpack. He grabbed his mild pain meds for headaches and got up to find a glass of water.

Back when the Instagram image of Jaehwan and him was accidentally posted, the raw panic Jaehwan had felt had made Wonshik feel strangely calm. Out of empathy for Jaehwan’s obvious upset, he removed himself from the situation and focused on Jaehwan. Like the others, he’d spent his time reassuring and supporting, eventually-

The realisation hit him like a punch in the gut; eventually making Jaehwan feel solely responsible.

He hadn’t thought of it that way before. Jaehwan hadn’t either, because Jaehwan was taking the blame so naturally. And he’d just let him. Without even realising it.

The sickening feeling mixed with the current situation, the guilt, the traveling, the lack of proper food and rest, sent him flying to the bathroom and hurling into the toilet.

**

Sanghyuk had hidden himself in Jaehwan’s bedroom, but Hongbin had refused to leave him alone. Jaehwan was taking a shower to calm his nerves and Hakyeon and Taekwoon were on their way home from Hakyeon’s office in separate cars. Taekwoon had taken a great risk in barging into Hakyeon’s office building without a care and walking up to his office like he knew the place. He did, but he wasn’t supposed to. They weren’t supposed to know each other beyond polite greetings at social events. Thankfully Hakyeon’s meeting had been during the late afternoon and the office had been mostly emptied. Few saw Taekwoon wandering the hallway.

While Hongbin tried to distract Sanghyuk from letting his thoughts get carried away by coaxing him into playing a video game on Jaehwan’s bedroom TV, it didn’t have much effect. He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering. He was jumping to conclusions, making predictions, having flashbacks to the Instagram incident and the aftermath, and it was all creating a big, terrified lump in his stomach. He felt like an alien had grown inside him. He could feel the foreign substance of a physical lump in his gut. He felt it try to press its way out through his throat. He coughed to try lightening the pressure on his windpipes and it only helped a little. His heart was picking up speed as breathing slowly became harder and harder.

Hongbin took the controller out of his hand, because he wasn’t playing anymore. He was just staring blankly ahead while breathing in short, sharp huffs. Hongbin turned his head so that their eyes met, but Sanghyuk wasn’t reacting. He kissed him. Hard. With a sharp inhale, Sanghyuk returned to the real world. Hongbin breathed with relief.

“It’s gonna be alright, Hyuk-ah. It’s out of our hands now. The management will take care of it, I promise.” He told the younger softly, looking him into the eyes to make sure he was heard. Sanghyuk took a deep breath and nodded into the palms of Hongbin’s hands.

“Yeah. Sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry, I get that you’re freaking out. I would too, I think.”  
“I just keep thinking back to last year and Jaehwan…” Sanghyuk trailed off, not needing to explain further. Hongbin hummed in understanding and gave him another small kiss.  
“This isn’t like that. That won’t happen this time.”  
“I know, but I still feel like I can never be totally sure.”  
“Because we can’t read minds.”  
“Yeah.” Sanghyuk relaxed enough to let out a small chuckle. “That would’ve been so convenient right now.”

Hongbin smiled at him. “That’s what talking’s for.” He said fondly, then added with a shrug: “When we have the time.”

Taekwoon was the first to arrive at Jaehwan’s apartment, looking a lot calmer and more collected than Hongbin expected him to be. He’d stepped out of the bedroom to greet him, and make sure he had some pizza, and Taekwoon immediately embraced him tightly with a sigh of relief. Okay, maybe not as calm and collected as he looked.

“There’s pizza, if you want some. If not, I’m sure there’s ramyun somewhere.” Hongbin spoke into Taekwoon’s shoulder. The other grunted with disinterest. Taekwoon tended to forget eating when he was preoccupied with other thoughts, only to feel an acute sense of hunger at midnight and eat unhealthily right before bed.

“You need to eat something.” Hongbin insisted further. He sighed in defeat and Hongbin smiled with triumph.

“What kind of pizza?”  
“Jaehwan special.” Hongbin answered, then snorted at the grimace Taekwoon pulled. Jaehwan special had pineapple on it and Taekwoon, like Hakyeon, was not a fan. “Ramyun it is.”

Taekwoon sank down in a chair and politely let Hongbin do his thing without interfering.

“How’s Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon asked softly.  
“He’s in the bedroom watching Naruto, trying his best to keep his mind out of the gutter.”

Taekwoon sat silently in thoughts for several minutes while Hongbin prepared ramyun for two. He’d eaten pizza earlier, not minding the pineapple. Jaehwan stepped out of the bathroom with his sleepwear on, hair moist and sticking into every direction. He gave Taekwoon’s shoulders a squeeze in greeting before sitting down at the table.

“Feeling better?” Hongbin asked.  
“If anything, I feel refreshed.” Jaehwan said with a tiny smile. Hongbin nodded in approval. It was better than before, at least.

“Hakyeon?” Jaehwan asked Taekwoon. He glanced at his wristwatch.  
“Any moment now.”

Jaehwan turned to Hongbin, who was adding the soup base to boiling water. “Sanghyuk?”

“In your bed watching Naruto, trying not to freak out.” Hongbin answered with a half-smile. Jaehwan’s expression turned thoughtful for a moment, then he got up from his seat and walked to the bedroom without a word. Taekwoon watched him go, first contemplating on joining him and then deciding not to.

Jaehwan entered the bedroom without knocking or peeking, barging right in so fast Sanghyuk almost jumped. Instead he just twitched and looked at Jaehwan blankly. The older walked over and settled beside him on the bed without a word. Sanghyuk paused the anime.

“Yes?” He asked hesitantly. Jaehwan looked at him, his face mixed between thoughtful and puzzled. He reached for the remote and took it away from Sanghyuk’s hand.  
“No need to pause it, I’m not here to talk.”

“What’re you here for then?” Sanghyuk asked with a slight chuckle because Jaehwan’s voice had been so flat it seemed pretend. “You look like you’re about to talk.”

“To keep you company.” Jaehwan said simply, giving him a quick smile. “And to talk, if you’re about to freak out.”  
“I’m not…” Sanghyuk cleared his throat. “freaking out.” He looked away and pressed play.  
“It’s okay if you do. I just wanna be here, just in case.”

Sanghyuk sighed, feeling a little burdened. He didn’t need a babysitter.

“Plus; Naruto sounded nice.” Jaehwan added lightly and Sanghyuk gave him a side smile with appreciation. It made him feel a little better.

Hakyeon arrived with flourish, as usual, making all the noise you could possibly make when entering a home; throwing off his shoes, hitting the walls, tossing his jacket, dropping his bag on the floor, dropping his phone on the floor – then cursing and checking if he cracked the screen. Hongbin watched him with a judging but baffled look of disbelief, shaking his head slowly, while Taekwoon chuckled to himself.

He quickly sped into the kitchen, giving Hongbin a quick peck on the cheek. “Honey, I’m home~” He sing-songed teasingly. Hongbin made a face and shrugged him off.

His good mood was slightly puzzling, but Taekwoon felt how it lifted their spirits immediately and welcomed it. Hakyeon sat down across from him with a puff of air, like he’d been rushing home. He probably had, once he’d finished waiting the half hour gap they’d planned on their departures. They couldn’t risk anything at this point, not even the smallest slip-up would do until Wonshik’s business was completely settled.

For the third time Hongbin was asked about Sanghyuk and informed them he was indeed still in Jaehwan’s bedroom watching Naruto, and that Jaehwan had joined him just now. Hakyeon nodded approvingly, seemingly deciding to stay out for now.

The ramyun was done and Hongbin set the pot on the table, gave his two oldest boyfriends a pair of chopsticks and a small bowl each. Taekwoon’s appetite had awakened and he looked at the food like it was the holy grail. As they dug in eagerly, the sounds of appreciation made Hongbin smile secretly as he walked off to join the others in the bedroom.

**

Wonshik had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor after throwing up everything in his stomach and then dry heaved for a while. A panicked fear of having become sick only made things worse and he gave up on leaving the room after a second trip to the bed had sent him back only halfway. He’d cranked up the heating in the floor and laid down on the tiles, curling up, clutching his stomach.

It was rumbling angrily with hunger and stress when he woke up in the middle of the night. His mouth tasted terrible, but the nausea was gone. He got up on his feet carefully, then brushed his teeth to try feeling a little fresher. When that didn’t help enough, he turned to the shower and stripped. A quick, cold shower later he curled up in bed with a hotel bathrobe on and promptly fell asleep again.

His manager woke him up next, a few hours later. “Hair and make-up will be here in twenty minutes. I see you’ve already showered. Should I go get you some food from the buffet?”

Wonshik groaned in answer.

“I’ll get you a sandwich.” The manager said with amusement.

For five glorious minutes Wonshik couldn’t remember what happened the day before. Then when he glanced at his phone to check the time, it all came flooding back. For a second, he thought he was going to hurl once again, but then his manager’s words echoed in his head. The agency will take care of it. He just has to do his job and pretend nothing’s happened.

Easy-peasy.

He rubbed his eyes and slicked his hair back. It was all fluffy and unruly without any product in it. He hoped his turbulent night of sleep hadn’t made him look too hollow, or he would get complaints. The shoot was for an important client and he’d been selected above models with a lot more fame and experience. He had to be in his best shape and behaviour, in other words.

By the time his manager returned with his sandwich, a cup of iced coffee and a glass of juice, Wonshik had dressed himself in a casual pair of jeans and a colourful shirt and turned on the TV. They’d dress him once he turned up on location, but they’d been asked to do hair and make-up in advance. He ate breakfast in bed with the TV on mute while his manager read out the schedule. He tried his very best to keep his focus and act like it was just like any day, but the drama at home had him shaken. Combined with nervousness for the shoot it killed his appetite, but he forced the sandwich down to try calm his stomach.

He was able to distance himself from the situation once the shoot had started and the photographer grabbed his attention. The time went by like a blur and before he knew it they’d stopped for lunch. For a puzzled moment he was blissfully blank about everything outside the shoot itself, until he checked his phone. He regretted it right away; he had a few missed calls from his management. He glanced around to find his manager to ask if he’d been called as well, then noticed him standing outside the closed-off shooting area, on the phone. His gut clenched uncomfortably and the acid from his morning coffee threw a sour fit. He walked over briskly, too worried and anxious for news to wait for the call to finish. He stopped close, so he could eavesdrop. His manager threw him a glance. His brows were furrowed with concentration and he was humming with confirmation every other minute. Someone on the other side was talking for a very long time.

“What did they say?” Wonshik asked the moment he ended the call.  
“Nothing alarming. They’re in the middle of handling it, trying to calm everything down before your return. They were able to remove the blog post and you’re off the trending search. The major news outlets haven’t bothered to write about it, but Dispatch have been waiting for something like this. They released an article about the blog post, but they were unable to use the image so it’s not as impactful as it would be if they did. We have the staff monitoring social media and the dispatch comment section for any illegal use of the image.”

He could breathe again. With a heave of air, he breathed in pure relief. He thanked divine forces for leading him to a management that even made such efforts for lesser known names like him. His manager hugged his shoulder with one arm.

“It’s going to be okay. Dispatch won’t win this one.”

Ever since Jaehwan’s Instagram incident, the management had been informed of the Lee family’s issue with the questionable news outlet. There were higher ups there that had dispute with them from far back and now Wonshik was associated with Jaehwan, so he was being watched closely. They’d won a point when they wrote about Wonshik not meeting up with Jaehwan when he went to New York, but since then he’d given them nothing. The thought of ruining that now by being careless felt strangely humiliating. He’d grown to feel a kind of rivalry towards them, like it was a game he needed to win to keep them safe. Whenever he saw the paparazzi the feeling grew.

**

“What if we just left for our trip right away?” Sanghyuk asked quietly in the darkness the next evening, flanked by Jaehwan and Hakyeon on either side of him on Hakyeon’s bed.

“That would only rouse more suspicion, I think. Especially if there’s paparazzi waiting for me outside.” Jaehwan said. He hadn’t left the apartment building since they discovered the blog post in fear of being photographed and involved in a new article.

“You still need to do your finals too, Hyuk-ah.” Hakyeon murmured, half-asleep, nose nuzzled into Sanghyuk’s chest.

“Finals feel very unimportant at the moment.” Sanghyuk huffed.

“But they are, and you need to do them now so that we can have you all to ourselves all summer. Won’t be fun if you’d have to retake them later, right?” Jaehwan reasoned, which was kind of unlike him. Usually he was on the side of mischief. Maybe he sympathised with the voice-of-reason who was too sleepy to make lengthy sentences at the moment.

Sanghyuk let out a big sigh of defeat, moving poor Hakyeon so much his neck almost cracked. “Fine.”

He stared at the ceiling in the dark, watching a flashing light that snuck its way through the curtains and made a soft pattern above him. He counted the blinks, trying to make sleep come for him. He felt Hakyeon’s body go lax as he fell away to sleep, but Jaehwan was still rubbing slow circles across his stomach.

He’d been quarantined. In case anyone recognised him from the picture, they couldn’t risk him being seen leaving the same building as Wonshik lived in. It had caused a bit of dispute in his group project group chat when he’d messaged them he’d caught a spring cold and was staying home for a few days. But once he promised he’d write their project report alone, they all settled down. Even so; he had little faith in their ability to work without him, but he’d just have to let whatever happened happen. Compared to their situation, it felt trivial, just like his final. His father’s management had taken control of the situation, but the Dispatch post had made him uncomfortable. It meant their sniffing hounds would be out hunting for more.

They’d called Wonshik before going to bed and even though he refused to admit it, he looked pretty wrecked. He looked like he hadn’t slept for a million years, Sanghyuk’s first thought had been when his face popped up on the computer screen. But he said he was fine and that he’d been worried at first, but he trusted the company and then only talked about his shoot. Sanghyuk didn’t buy it, neither did Hakyeon or Jaehwan, but they let him assure them since it would assure him to do so.

The unfairness of it all filled him with frustration. This was hurting the people he loved the most in this world and he could do nothing about it. He was even partly to blame for it. It was eating him up from the inside that he was so powerless in the face of it. His heartrate picked up as he thought about it and Jaehwan’s head lifted from the pillow beside him, watching him without saying a word. Sanghyuk snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head so that their noses touched. Jaehwan’s hand moved from his stomach to cup his face.

Their foreheads kissed, and they closed their eyes in a mutual surge of affection and need to protect each other.

**

Wonshik stepped into the arrival hall with careful reluctance, not sure what to expect. Usually when he arrived from a job there would maybe be one or two fansites there, sometimes a Dispatch paparazzi. They’d changed his flight to an early morning flight instead of evening to make it less appealing to show up. He’d worn a mask and bucket hat to cover up his obvious lack of sleep. Their efforts seemed effective; there were no cameras waiting for him. He could effortlessly walk straight to his car and wait for his manager to pick up his luggage for him.

In the car he turned his phone back on to inform the others and that he’d be home soon. His last job before his scheduled summer holiday was done and he could finally relax while he waited for everyone’s schedules to clear and leave for their holiday trip. He felt his shoulders relax, tense muscles in his neck aching but slowly relaxing as he watched the chat and waited for replies and his manager.

_Wonshik_

_No cameras at the airport. Home soon! Anyone home?_

_Sanghyuk_

_Jaehwan and I are up! Come to my apartment, ok?_

Wonshik smiled, feeling joy surge in his stomach at the thought of seeing them. He glanced out the tinted window to look for his manager, willing him to hurry up already so they could go. It felt like forever until he finally caught sight of him walking towards the car with their suitcases. He buckled his seatbelt and felt the anticipation grow.

Jaehwan was trying to make an egg omelette while Sanghyuk rinsed the rice for the rice cooker. They’d been to Wonshik’s apartment and stolen his mother’s side dishes and set the table nicely. Despite the ungodly hour, Sanghyuk had woken up really early and Jaehwan with him. They’d moved to Sanghyuk’s apartment to avoid waking Hakyeon too while they prepared the breakfast. They wanted to send Wonshik to go wake him. Hongbin was already at his drama shoot, to film a sunrise scene, and Taekwoon who had spent the night with him had eaten breakfast with him and gone back to bed. He’d come once he woke up again, he’d promised in a message to Sanghyuk.

The temperature of his frying pan was too high; the omelette already slightly burned before Jaehwan could notice and flip it to save it. He cursed under his breath as Sanghyuk turned on the rice cooker and chuckled at him. Despite their clumsy efforts, they were able to set up an impressive breakfast table by the time Wonshik announced his arrival in the parking garage. They put on some background music, cleaned up the kitchen and couldn’t stand still for even a moment while they waited for Wonshik to come in the door.

He was enveloped in a crushing three-way hug the moment he stepped inside, cut off mid-hello. He laughed happily at how he was almost strangled and hugged back the best he could around the two men.

“We made breakfast!”  
“It’s so good to have you back.” Sanghyuk and Jaehwan spoke at the same time, their words mushing together to nonsense. Wonshik smiled. He’d caught breakfast. His stomach was growling angrily. He’d been too unsettled to eat the airline meal. He looked at them both as they parted from the hug, giving each a chaste kiss. Sanghyuk sighed into his mouth with longing. Wonshik’s chest fluttered.

“We decided to let you go wake Hakyeon. He’s in his own bed.” Jaehwan told him. He smiled and nodded.

“That’ll be a nice surprise.” He said. He walked into Hakyeon’s apartment quietly. He wanted to wake him with a kiss and hoped he hadn’t woken yet, despite the two others having left his bed. No lights were on and Hakyeon was sound asleep in his bed, tangled in too many sheets and hugging a pillow with his back to the edge of the bed. He snuck up on him, kneeling by the bed and leaning over Hakyeon. He stroke away the hair in his face with light touches of his fingers and felt his heart swell with love. It ached in him, clenching his heart, his lungs, pumping blood into his veins with increasing speed. He moved his hand around his face to turn it upwards, so he could reach the mouth. With a start surging through his body, Hakyeon was roused awake just in time to feel Wonshik’s lips close around his.

He was confused for a few hazy moments, thinking he was dreaming, until his hand found their way to a solid body and a solid face he could touch. He groaned with sleepy pleasure, turning his body to pull Wonshik closer to him. Wonshik rose from his position without parting their mouths, leaning over him fully, pressing their chests together while bracing himself with an arm beside Hakyeon’s head. Their kiss heated up as each time they parted for air it felt unbearable to be apart. Wonshik moaned into Hakyeon’s mouth as he nibbled at his lower lip the way he loved and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

Hakyeon grinned, his hands finding more skin under Wonshik’s shirt and felt his hunger for more grow. Their kisses increased in speed and desperation as Hakyeon’s hands started working on Wonshik’s shit buttons with lust in mind. Wonshik somehow managed to resurface from his trance when he realised Hakyeon wanted to go further. He gasped, and parted, stopping Hakyeon’s hand working on the second button.

“Hyung, they’ve made breakfast.” He said, comically out of breath.  
“Who?”  
“Jaehwan and Sanghyuk. They told me to go get you.”

Hakyeon groaned, rolling his hips upwards. He was hard, Wonshik noticed with a flourish of desire. He felt himself getting the same problem.

“They can wait.” He muttered with a crooked smile and dove back onto Hakyeon’s mouth.


	4. House by the Sea

Hakyeon had packed too much stuff. He looked between the pile of things he’d placed on his bed and the already full-to-the-brim suitcase on the floor. Taekwoon had allowed only one bag each, so they could leave in a single car, so he would need to repack it all. He rubbed his face with frustration. Packing light was not an art he possessed. He emptied the suitcase again, leaving only the essentials; chargers, toiletries and underwear. Then he sorted through everything again, counting the days they would be there and eliminating outfits. He probably didn’t need a separate pair of shorts/pants for every single day. But he’d need a new shirt every day, right? He didn’t want to smell or anything. He tried to think of the last time he was at the beach house and remember whether there was a laundry machine there or not. Would be strange if there wasn’t, wouldn’t it? He tossed discarded clothes to the floor, away from the suitcase, leaving his choices neatly folded on his bed.

“Still not done?” Hongbin’s voice appeared behind him. He turned to see him standing in the door with a bowl of Hakyeon’s expensive cereal. His special cereal. Only his. He’d been clear he wasn’t sharing, since it wasn’t available in South-Korea. He narrowed his eyes at the bowl. Hongbin glanced down, then gave a crooked smile. “I was hungry.” He excused. Hakyeon sighed. Whatever.

“Are you counting on doing laundry?” Hakyeon asked him.

“Of course I am, I wouldn’t have enough space in my bag if I didn’t.”   
“You’re bringing a bag? Isn’t that too small?”  
“Did you forget the stair path up to the house? You’ll be forced to carry your suitcase all the way up.”  
Hakyeon remembered. “Nooooo….” He whined.  
“Best pack into something you can carry.” Hongbin grinned the kind of grin he always had when he was feeding of other’s misery. “Something smaller.”

Hakyeon groaned and Hongbin cackled, spitting milk in front of him. He covered his mouth to stop himself from throwing out all his cereal. Hakyeon gave him a menacing look, but Hongbin didn’t even flinch.

“Help me?” Hakyeon pleaded.

Hongbin shook his head and turned to leave. “Nope!”

“Evilspawn!” Hakyeon called after him.  
“My middle name!” Hongbin tossed back just as Wonshik passed him. He gave Hongbin an amused look and bumped his should with his own, so he stumbled, almost spilling more cereal. It only made him laugh more.

“I’ll help you.” Wonshik told Hakyeon when he entered the room.  
“Did you finish packing already?”  
“Yeah, just now.”

“What did you pack in?”   
“My backpack.”  
“Seriously? How do you guys do this? I can’t even close my suitcase!” Hakyeon huffed. Wonshik smiled, visibly loving the frustrated expression on Hakyeon’s face.

“Think of what you think you need and then pack half. It works well for anything but socks and underwear.” Wonshik said like he was quoting something. Hakyeon stared at him for a moment, wanting to protest that he _did_ need all the things, not half. But then he sighed and shrugged.

“Fine. You’re right.”   
“Plus, we’ll do laundry.”  
“And swim most of the time.” Hakyeon added, realising he’d only packed a single pair of swimming trunks. He glanced at the pile of pants and shorts and cut it in half and added another pair of shorts for swimming.

“Could you get my weekend bag from the hallway?” He asked Wonshik. He nodded and left.

A couple minutes later Hakyeon’s weekend bag was bulging but closing. Hakyeon nodded in satisfaction as the zipper shut.

“Am I the last one to finish up?” He asked Wonshik.  
“We should check on Sanghyuk, or he’ll end up packing in the morning.”  
“You’re right. Where is he?”  
Wonshik took a moment to think, then checked his wristwatch. “Should be at Jaehwan’s still.”  
“Let’s go!” Hakyeon grinned, linking their arms and pointing towards the hallway. Wonshik let himself be led away without protest.

**

Sanghyuk beat Jaehwan in Mario Kart for the third time with a triumphant cheer. They were standing, the game making them so involved they couldn’t sit on the edge of Jaehwan’s bed anymore.

“One last round. All or nothing.” Jaehwan pleaded, grabbing Sanghyuk’s arm. They’d agreed on best out of four rounds and then they would pack up for the trip.

Sanghyuk turned to him with the smile of a devil. “Why would I do that? I’m sitting in front tomorrow.”

“You know Hakyeon will never give up on the passenger side.”   
“We’ll see.” Sanghyuk said with conviction. Jaehwan couldn’t help but be amused at how sure he looked. There was just no way.

“Come on. Please? I don’t want to pack yet.”

Sanghyuk contemplated for a moment, while his arm found its way around Jaehwan’s narrower shoulders. “Good point. Let’s do another just for fun, hm?”

Jaehwan nodded with a grin. “Perfect.” He said and smacked a kiss on the side of his mouth. Sanghyuk’s eyebrows rose, then their eyes met. Sanghyuk turned his face so their mouths aligned and Jaehwan kissed him again on the mouth. Sanghyuk didn’t move away. Jaehwan looked at him.

“One more.” Sanghyuk mumbled, half-pouting - which was, honestly, making Jaehwan’s head spin.  He gave him another kiss. Deeper this time, opening his mouth so Sanghyuk could brush his lips with his tongue. Hands snaked their way around their bodies, pressing them closer to each other.

Hakyeon cleared his throat. “As much as I hate interrupting this, I can tell this will not end up in you two packing.”

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk jumped away from each other like what they’d done had been forbidden. Then they chuckled at their own starts.

“Hyung!” Sanghyuk whined. Hakyeon gave a look of fake-pity. Wonshik looked very amused, leaning against the door behind Hakyeon with his arms across his chest.

“Did you pack up?” Hakyeon asked, looking around for bags.

“Not yet.” Jaehwan said with a grimace. It was getting late and they’d agreed to leave at dawn to avoid the paparazzi. They had increased in numbers ever since Wonshik’s article and his general lack of appearance outside the building. So far nobody had been able to identify Sanghyuk though, so his quarantine had ended so he could go back to school.

“It’ll only take a few minutes, there’s no hurry.” Sanghyuk said confidently. Jaehwan gave him a side look, half blaming him for bringing him down with him by asking to play Nintendo when he was about to pack.

Hakyeon glanced at the TV. “Why do you have your Nintendo in the bedroom when you could sit in the living room?”

Jaehwan ran a hand through his hair. “I play Zelda when I can’t sleep.”

Sanghyuk and Hakyeon shared a silent look.

“You could call for us when you can’t sleep.” Wonshik spoke softly, to make sure it didn’t sound like he was offended. They all knew Jaehwan liked sleeping alone, but sometimes he couldn’t sleep _because_ he was alone. It went on and off in a nonsensical pattern.

“Yeah, I know.” Jaehwan answered quickly, then chuckled airily. “I guess I’m still getting used to having you around again is all. It’s become a habit not to rely on you being around.”

That made them all quiet, but Hakyeon’s carefully sympathetic smile saved them from awkward silence. Jaehwan smiled back. It was okay. He understood.

“Do you need any help packing?” Hakyeon asked to break the silence.

“Sure.” Jaehwan said with a shrug.

“Not me, but I could use the company.” Sanghyuk said, immediately walking over to Wonshik and taking him with him out of the apartment to his own. Hakyeon watched them go and stayed to help. Jaehwan grabbed a backpack from his wardrobe and threw it on the bed, then started picking out t-shirts from the hangers. Hakyeon walked over and soon they developed a system where Jaehwan would hand him things and Hakyeon would fold them and arrange them on the bed. He’d also share his opinion on Jaehwan’s less sensible choices - like black skinny jeans for a beach house in summertime.

“But what if it rains?” Jaehwan said, hugging his comfortable pair of Levi stretchy jeans. Hakyeon shook his head.  
“Even if it rains it’ll be hot and humid. You’ll ruin them with sweat.”

And like that they bickered their way to a full backpack bursting at the seams, ending with a long discussion whether Jaehwan needed more than one pair of shoes and slippers. They ended up with a compromise of one pair of shoes to travel in, one pair of slippers and one pair of sandals. When they were done they threw themselves onto the bed with a relieved sigh. Hakyeon’s head was heavy with tiredness. He’d been up extra early in the morning to finish some things at the office before his holiday. Despite all his orders and preparations, he felt like he would return to a burning ship after two weeks absence.

“Did Taekwoon come home yet?” Jaehwan asked. They’d all eaten a quick Chinese takeout dinner at Hakyeon’s apartment earlier, and then Taekwoon had left to pick up their rental car while they all packed. Hakyeon fished out his phone from his back pocket to check the time and the chat.

“I’m not sure. He should be, considering how long it’s been since he left.”

Jaehwan didn’t answer and stared at the ceiling while worrying his lip with a tooth. Hakyeon watched him for a minute.

“Want to go check?” He asked him, sensing an underlying worry.

“Yeah.” Jaehwan answered and got up from the bed immediately. Hakyeon followed calmly, but keeping up.

**

Hongbin was doing the dishes when Taekwoon came home, expecting to find them all back in Hakyeon’s apartment but only finding Hongbin there.

“Still packing?” He asked, walking over to Hongbin just to be close to him. Hongbin nodded, drying dinner plates diligently.

“How’s the car?” Hongbin asked. He handed the dry plate to Taekwoon. He held it for a moment, like he didn’t understand what to do with it, then placed it on the kitchen counter beside him. He was handed another and he stacked them carefully, not liking the noise plates made when crashed into each other.

“Big.” He said with a small smile. “Perfect.” He added. Hongbin smiled back. He handed over the last dinner plate and started on their bowls. Taekwoon placed the stack in the cupboard.

“Are you driving us?” Hongbin asked. Taekwoon nodded with a hum.   
“Probably. I only insured it on my name. I didn’t want to list more names on there, in case…” He trailed off, but Hongbin understood what he meant. He sighed.

“Yeah, good call.”

They heard the door opening and closing, then Jaehwan walked in hurriedly. Taekwoon caught the look in his eyes before it changed upon seeing him there. He furrowed his brows; Jaehwan had looked slightly scared. Hakyeon walked in behind him, thoughtful eyes on Jaehwan.

“Hey.” He said softly, an arm automatically reaching for Jaehwan, who was just out of reach. Jaehwan slid right into his side with a relieved sigh.

“Sorry, I just… I had a feeling.” Jaehwan mumbled with a blush.

Taekwoon kissed his head. “Don’t be sorry.” He murmured quietly. Jaehwan leaned his head on his shoulder.

“We’re done packing. I think Sanghyuk is too, Wonshik is with him.” Hakyeon informed. Hongbin handed him a stack of bowls. Hakyeon just held them without doing anything. “So what time do we get up tomorrow?” He had no idea when dawn was, but he figured Taekwoon had just used it as a way of saying super early.

“I was thinking six?” Taekwoon said. Jaehwan groaned at the thought. It was already too late in the evening to get a full night’s sleep if he needed to get up and be ready at six. Hakyeon huffed.

“I agree. If we can, we’ll go even earlier. We’ll see in the morning. Who’s sleeping with Wonshik? He’s going to need some extra persuasion, I believe.” He said with a slight smile. Hongbin kept building up his stack of bowls, the burden getting heavier and heavier in his hands.

“I’ll do it. I’ll take Sanghyuk with me. So, we’ll skip breakfast, right? Just wake up and go straight to the car?” Hongbin asked. Taekwoon gave him a look.

“I won’t be a safe driver before I get at least one cup of coffee in me.” He said matter-of-factly. Jaehwan chuckled.

Hongbin rolled his eyes. “Of course. Coffee, _then_ we leave.”

The others nodded in agreement. Hakyeon placed the bowls in the cupboard as Hongbin dried off the kitchen counter with his towel and hung it to dry.

“Are the car’s windows tinted?” Jaehwan asked Taekwoon, straightening his position on the shoulder to lean against the counter, Taekwoon’s arm still draped across his shoulders. Taekwoon nodded with a smile. Jaehwan felt his nervousness lessen a little.

Hongbin left them all to join up with Wonshik and Sanghyuk and make sure they actually went to bed in time. The two had a tendency to stay up for too long, too caught up in whatever conversation they were having to notice time passing.

The way Jaehwan held on to Taekwoon told him he wasn’t going anywhere that night. He shared a fond look with Hakyeon and together they made their way to the bedroom to sleep, feeling jittery for the day to come.

**

When Hongbin entered Sanghyuk’s apartment he was welcomed with the calm murmur of Wonshik’s voice. They were in the bedroom, talking while Sanghyuk packed. Hongbin rested his body against the door opening, watching them while he let Wonshik finish talking. He didn’t want to interrupt.

“I just really love how the music makes me feel, you know? I’ll play it to you in the car, you might like it. I know you’re not that into his music, but he’s gone a really different direction with this one. I think it’s more down your lane.”

Sanghyuk turned to smile at him, clearly adoring the way Wonshik tried to sell his newest music interest to him, then noticed Hongbin. “Oh, hey!”

Wonshik turned around too, startled. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, a leg hanging off the side, back to the door. “Hey.” He greeted with a smile that mirrored Sanghyuk’s. Hongbin couldn’t help but smile himself too.

“We’re driving at six am. You’re screwed.” He said simply, walking over to the bed and plopping himself down on the opposite side from Wonshik. He draped himself on top of the covers, laying sideways so he could watch them both. They both grimaced, Wonshik already looking as tired as he would be in the morning.

“I’m your wakeup call.” Hongbin added with a hint of amusement. Wonshik cocked an eyebrow, not convinced he was the best boyfriend for the job. Sanghyuk was definitely better than both of them at getting up in the morning. Sanghyuk knew this and snorted.

“I’m not carrying any of you to the car.” Sanghyuk deadpanned, giving them both a look. Hongbin stuck out his tongue.

“Better sleep then.” Wonshik said, getting up and walking to the bathroom. Sanghyuk zipped up his duffel bag, finally done packing. He got up from the floor he’d been sitting on and followed. Hongbin felt invisible strings of the bed holding him down, but managed to roll off the bed anyway to go brush his teeth and change.

They were an odd combination in bed together; neither was the type to cling to others in their sleep, but Sanghyuk’s bed didn’t really allow them all the space to lie flat-out. Sanghyuk would usually curl himself around someone next to him during the night, so they left him in the middle with Hongbin and Wonshik lay on their sides facing him.

“Do you think we’ll be able to escape unnoticed tomorrow?” Sanghyuk asked softly as he watched the ceiling in the dark.

“Taekwoon says the car’s windows are tinted, so I think we’ll be fine.” Hongbin told him, voice quiet but stark against the silence in the room.

“There’s still the windshield though. Those are see-through. If a photographer waits outside the garage exit they might be able to catch us all on camera.” Sanghyuk argued, his pulse picking up.

With a sickening swirl in his stomach Hongbin knew he was right, but he swallowed the worry down, knowing who he was sharing the bed with.

“Maybe we should hide or something. Until we get onto the highway.” Wonshik offered before Hongbin could make up an assurance.

“Or we could hang a curtain and have Hakyeon in front with Taekwoon. Seeing those two together wouldn’t cause as big a stir. Plus; they’re not the targets so they probably won’t even care.” Sanghyuk’s voice was normal volume now, fully awake. Hongbin reached over and placed a hand atop his folded hands on his stomach.

“We’ll talk about it with the others in the morning, alright? It’s so early anyway, they’re probably not there.” Hongbin tried, speaking softly and trying to sound more like Taekwoon. Willing them to trust his words like they trusted his.

“We should have someone go check outside before we leave.” Wonshik suggested, not taking the hint. Hongbin sighed and Wonshik flinched. Sanghyuk’s gaze flickered to Hongbin, who had closed his eyes to try make them do the same. Wonshik sighed as well, inhaling deep to calm himself, and placed his own hand atop Sanghyuk’s too. He intertwined his fingers with Hongbin’s and closed his eyes tightly, willing himself to stop thinking of all the ways things could go wrong the next day.

Sanghyuk’s mind was still flickering with different scenarios, but he did his best to focus on the specks of light on the ceiling and emptying his mind. He listened to the slow, even breathing from Hongbin. The air from his nose graced Sanghyuk’s shoulder just enough for him to feel it if he focused on it, so he did. He counted the breaths until he slowly slipped into sleep.

**

There was no lack of nervous heartbeats and shaky hands the next morning. Most of them woke up before their alarms even had a chance to ring, too tense to really get a good night’s sleep. The exceptions were Taekwoon and Wonshik, who were pretty heavy sleepers no matter what. Hongbin struggled to wake Wonshik at first, but once Sanghyuk joined in they were able to rouse him awake enough to get up and take a cold shower. Cold showers were his secret weapon against tiredness. Hakyeon had given up on sleeping until the alarm when he checked the time a third time and saw there was only half an hour left. He made them a light breakfast, just some instant soup and rice, and started the coffeemaker. Once the smell of coffee started spreading in his kitchen slash living room, he went to rouse Taekwoon and Jaehwan. The alarm had rung, so Jaehwan was awake but groaning in bed.

“I’m in so much pain right now, Hyung, uuuuuuuuugh-“ Jaehwan whined when Hakyeon sat down on Taekwoon’s side of the bed and started scratching his head. He ran his fingers through his black, rather lengthy hair, letting his nails scratch him just enough to make him hum with pleasure, waking slowly.

“There’s soup in the kitchen.” Hakyeon told Jaehwan softly.

“How long have you been up?” Jaehwan asked groggily.

“I couldn’t really sleep, but I gave up about half an hour ago.”

“Aw, I’m sorry.” Jaehwan said genuinely.

“It’s okay, I’ll sleep in the car later, when I know we’re safe.”

Jaehwan hummed in response. He was still hugging his pillow like it was a lifeline, but his groaning was hinting at a growing resolve to get up. Meanwhile, Taekwoon’s eyes were starting to flutter open. His hand moved and Hakyeon took it in his free hand, squeezing it. There was a soft thunk, and Jaehwan was on the floor, tangled in the duvet. He’d rolled off the bed in order to get out. Hakyeon chuckled when Jaehwan groaned even more.

“Woon-ah… Your coffee is ready.” Hakyeon cooed softly to Taekwoon who was starting to try form some words. He was so far gone it was ridiculous. Sleepiness took away half his age, making his sweet and cuddly and soft-spoken. Hakyeon was such a sucker for it he loved waking him up. Once he was properly up he’d flip to a grumpy, quiet mood until he had his coffee.

Taekwoon groaned. “Is it morning already?” He asked, his sweet voice even lighter than normal, making Hakyeon almost melt into him. He hummed yes in answer.

“I dreamt we were there already.” Taekwoon mumbled. Jaehwan got to his feet.

“If only.” Jaehwan muttered and stretched. He staggered a little, then threw his duvet onto the bed again. “I’m taking a shower.” He proclaimed and walked out of the room.

Hakyeon stroke away the hair in Taekwoon’s face, stopping his massage. “Time to get up, grumpy.”

Taekwoon groaned, stretching his long legs beneath the duvet. They shook, the muscles coming to life after being still all night. He yawned and Hakyeon had to restrain himself from kissing him. He knew that if he did, they’d end up in bed together. So he stood up, pulling Taekwoon’s arm slightly.

“Up you go.” He said, taking hold of the duvet and removing it from his upper body. His eyes shot up, thinking Hakyeon would remove it entirely. He hunched together into a ball, holding the duvet between his knees.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He mumbled, rolling over on his back and stretching his arms into the air.

Wonshik was out of the shower and getting dressed in the bathroom while Hongbin brushed his teeth and checked the news on his phone. Ever since the image-less Dispatch article things had been quiet, but there’d been an increase in paparazzi outside their apartment building. They didn’t spend their entire days there though, so they were fairly sure they’d be gone that morning. Hongbin checked the news just in case anyway but found nothing related to them.

Sanghyuk was dressed and went around in his apartment pulling out sockets since they were going away for a while. He’d gathered their bags and set them by the door, made the bed and messaged Hakyeon that they’d be there soon for a quick breakfast. He couldn’t stand still for two seconds thanks to the nervous jitters having a party inside him, so he kept looking around for things to do while he waited for the other two.

They’d sent Hongbin out to check for paparazzi. There was a convenience store across the street from their garage exit, so they sent him to go there and buy a kimbap roll and go back. It was raining when he stepped outside, and he had no umbrella. It was very humid, the air clinging to his skin like a second layer. He’d worn a cap to try hide his searching eyes as he walked across the street. He looked for cameras, people waiting, parked cars with people inside, but didn’t see anyone. He jogged across the road even though there was no traffic. The convenience store had no customers. The usual paparazzi that waited for Jaehwan used to sit outside the convenience store on plastic chairs, talking for hours, their cameras hidden away in backpacks. There was no sign of them that morning, to Hongbin’s relief. He bought six rolls of kimbap and drinks for them all, then went back across the street with wakeful eyes.

“The coast is clear.” He told the group of 5 nervous men waiting for him in the garage. He handed the bag to Hakyeon. “I think we can go.”

“I still think we should hide until we’re a few blocks away at least.” Wonshik said. Hakyeon hummed in agreement. They were all dressed very anonymously, all wearing caps and sunglasses or masks to hide their identities. Hongbin looked at them all together and realised they didn’t look anonymous at all. They looked like celebrities in hiding. He sighed and reached over to Jaehwan’s sunglasses, taking them off.

“It’s raining.” He told him when he looked at him in surprise.

“We look like a bunch of runaways, don’t we?” Sanghyuk asked.

“Pretty much, but there’s not really much else we can do to hide is there?” Taekwoon said. He opened the driver side door and hopped into the car. “Let’s go while the coast is still clear.”

Jaehwan shrugged and bit down his own anxiousness. They all got in the car, Hakyeon in front with Taekwoon. Sanghyuk’s suggestion to hang a curtain between the front seats and the back had been welcomed and so they had hung up a blanket to act as a curtain. They’d take it down once they were on the highway. Wonshik immediately settled in the very back, with the luggage and a single seat, and arranged himself to go back to sleep. Sanghyuk, Hongbin and Jaehwan huddled in the middle row, the youngest in the middle, and looked out the tinted windows intently as the car started moving and the garage door opened slowly.

They slid out into the road without seeing a single camera anywhere. Hakyeon let out the breath he was holding and Taekwoon lessened the grip on the steering wheel. He turned right on the road and started their route towards the highway. He wouldn’t feel like he could relax until then. Once they were there, they’d have a three-hour drive until they arrived at the Jung beach house. Secluded and safe from prying eyes with a private beach.

“So far so good.” Hakyeon announced to the others in the back. They were too tense to answer and Hakyeon frowned at the mood. This was a trip made to escape and find enjoyment together again. It was worrying him that the mood was like that from the beginning, though he was sure they would lighten up considerably once they were in the clear. To try rid of some of the tension they were all feeling, he turned on the stereo and plugged in his phone.

They had a playlist. It had all their favourite songs and songs connected to certain memories and was something they’d worked on building for years. The original idea had been Wonshik’s; he wanted to share all his favourite music with them. Soon the others wanted to do the same and ‘Our Playlist’ was born. Hakyeon pressed shuffle and turned up the volume. It took a few songs for their shoulders to relax more. Taekwoon took turn after turn through the city, nodding his head to the beats, making his way to the highway. The rain beat heavily against the windows and skylight. Jaehwan watched the raindrops fall over their heads, the music getting to him like it had been injected with an IV.

Slowly, Hongbin started humming to a song. Sanghyuk leaned into him, then joined. The song changed to one of Jaehwan’s favourites. Hongbin and Sanghyuk glanced to him. He was still looking up, leaned back in his seat. The song’s first verse ended, and the music built up to the chorus. The hairs on Hakyeon’s arms rose. The chorus started with a strong vocal, but was drowned out by the massive volume of Jaehwan screaming out the lyrics at the top of his lungs.

Wonshik jumped awake, startled so much he could’ve fallen out of his seat if it wasn’t for his seatbelt. Hongbin and Sanghyuk immediately burst out laughing. Taekwoon grinned. Hakyeon joined in on the second part of the chorus, singing at the top of his throat.

“HELLO FROM THE OUTSIDE” They screamed, like they were in a karaoke room. Taekwoon cracked up, struggling not to look to his side to watch Hakyeon’s dramatic hand movements. “AT LEAST I CAN SAY THAT I’VE TRIED”

Sanghyuk started clapping, the tension released into an unstoppable burst of laughing. Hongbin held onto his stomach, aching from the pain of laughing too hard. Wonshik watched them with a puzzled face, only half-awake despite the abrupt wake-up.

By the end of the song they’d all joined in, though Sanghyuk was having a hard time not laughing at how Jaehwan’s raw voice was crackling and struggling with the high octave he’d chosen to sing in without any warm-up. His throat and face were beet-red with effort as he poured out his frustration, fear and heartbreak all in one song.

The song changed to a calmer ballad and they all stopped singing to catch their breaths, Hakyeon laughing happily and exchanging delighted looks with Taekwoon. He reached out his hand and their hands joined as the car climbed up the highway entrance road and onto freedom.

**

They drove without stopping, out of the rainy northern parts of South-Korea and southward. They’d removed the curtain and after a long while of energic talking, they all fell to silence with comforted hearts. Wonshik and Sanghyuk both fell asleep, while Hongbin, Hakyeon and Jaehwan talked quietly about mundane things. Ever since the bellowing Adele song Taekwoon had been driving with a slight smile on his face, visibly more relaxed and occasionally pitching in on the conversations. Hakyeon felt a surge of hope for them, the feeling spreading through him in waves of warmth.

When arriving at the house’s parking lot, a good five-minute walk from the actual house, the weather was clearing up. There were clouds and the air was still humid, but they could spot traces of blue sky and sunlight in between. Stepping out of the car, stiff-bodied and sleepy-headed, they stretched and hugged and yawned, collecting their luggage and making the climb to the house.

The path was made of stairs, personally made by Taekwoon’s great grandfather. The house had been rebuilt in a larger size in later generations as they had increased in wealth, but the path was the same. Steps made from logs sneaking their way up the hill in between the nature to avoid disturbing it more than necessary. It was a rather steep climb, and the earlier rain had made the steps a little slippery, so they made their way up slowly.

Taekwoon had made his own personal adjustments to the house once he’d earned his own fortune and managed to acquire 5 boyfriends. One of them was a gigantic fridge, the second a custom-made bed large enough for them all in the master bedroom. In addition, the house had four guest rooms with private bathrooms, a massive kitchen, a study, dining room, a sitting room with a fireplace and sliding doors that led out to a balcony that extended all the way out to the beach and equipped with a built-in jacuzzi, a TV-room with gaming consoles, and finally; the private beach. Despite all these wonderful luxuries made perfect for their use; they had barely been able to use it. The last time they were there was around 2 years ago.

To keep it clean and functioning Taekwoon had a local housekeeper watch over it and ready it every time they’d come there. On the rare occasions he desperately needed some alone time, due to his lack of private apartments, he’d go there and spend some time working from home. Every time he’d return to Seoul with a slight tan, which the others then would greatly appreciate - to his own enjoyment. They would shower him in kisses and cover him in marks, leaving him shaking and spent - every time.

Taekwoon was leading the pack up the stairs. The entrance was at the back of the house, right at the end of the path, and he fished out his keys from his pockets. The door led them into a mud room, for shoes and outerwear that tended to get muddy from walking on the path, and then they stepped into the sitting-room. With the sliding doors giving a view over the beach and ocean, the sitting-room was their favourite room of them all. The view was so vast they were able to catch both sunrise and sunset. Taekwoon didn’t realise he’d missed the place so much until he stepped into the room and took in the view, opened the doors and inhaled the fresh, salty ocean air deeply. He sighed happily, feeling the stress just vaporize from him. Wonshik’s hands snuck their way over his shoulders, giving them a tentative squeeze before wrapping around him as he came up on his side.

“Feels good to be back here.” Wonshik murmured and Taekwoon hummed in reply and kissed the hand resting over his shoulder. Hongbin and Sanghyuk were already bickering in the kitchen. They’d carried the groceries Hakyeon had shopped for them the morning prior, six heavy bags of food and snacks supposed to last them at least a week, hopefully two. Hakyeon had gone straight to the bedroom to drop off his bag and Jaehwan followed behind.

Sanghyuk, having lost a game of rock-paper-scissors against Hongbin, ran out again to pick up their alcohol while Hongbin unpacked. Wonshik went to help, while Taekwoon opened the sliding doors entirely to air out the room and opened the doors to the other rooms to allow the air in. The humid air was lifting, allowing a refreshing breeze to enter the house. Sanghyuk returned with an entire box of soju and a plastic bag full of soft drinks, panting from walking up the stairs with the heavy load. Taekwoon ran over to help, taking the plastic bag from him while he kicked off his shoes.

“Thanks.” Sanghyuk said with a smile. “Hey, we should do a toast.”

They walked to the kitchen side by side.

“Right now?” Taekwoon asked.

“Yeah, a welcome toast. To mark the start of two weeks of pure bliss.” Sanghyuk explained.

“I like that idea.” Wonshik chimed in while sorting various packs of raw meat into the fridge.

“Sure, let’s do it.” Hongbin agreed. Sanghyuk set the box of soju onto the kitchen island and immediately started opening it. Taekwoon shrugged with a smile, suddenly feeling younger than he had been in years, and went to collect shot glasses in the dining room.

Hakyeon and Jaehwan came back downstairs and gathered in the kitchen. Hakyeon shot a look at the opened package of soju and then at Sanghyuk opening a bottle. “Are we drinking?”

“Just making a toast to mark the start of our vacation.” Sanghyuk explained. Jaehwan grinned, liking the idea. Taekwoon returned with the shot glasses and set them up in a row on the kitchen island. Sanghyuk poured the soju sloppily, spilling onto the bench, but it didn’t matter. Smiles spread across their faces, stomachs bubbling with a growing feeling of relief and joy.

They made it through. They’d be alone together for two whole weeks and nothing could disturb them.

Hakyeon got an idea. Before they could pick up their shots, he snapped his fingers. The other all looked at him in surprise. “I have an idea.” He declared, then disappeared into the house. Moments later he returned with an empty shoebox from the hallway.

“Turn off your phones.” He ordered. They looked at him in puzzlement. He huffed. “We’re doing a detox. No phones, no social media, just us. Put your phones in here.” He explained further. They all surrendered their phones, vowing not to check them even if they wanted to. Taekwoon surrendered his second phone - his work phone - reluctantly, worried his company might combust if he wasn’t available. On the other hand; he had given strict orders not to contact him unless there was an absolute crisis that no one but him could handle.

Hakyeon put the lid on the box and placed it on top of the fridge. With their phones away, they picked up their shot glasses and held them up together in a flower of alcohol.

“To vacations.” Sanghyuk declared.  
“To freedom.” Jaehwan added.  
“To us.” Wonshik said, making them all smile. The excitement grew.   
“Forever.” Taekwoon finished and then they drank and cheered in unison.

**

The day flew by. The spent it settling in; unpacking their things, changing their clothes, taking the first swim in the ocean, eating dinner and talking. When darkness came with the evening, after walking on the beach to watch the sunset, they gathered in the jacuzzi with drinks in their hands. Together they laughed at jokes, told stories of times they had missed out on and caught up on the things they had forgotten to tell about.

“Oh, right, I got a new project in the fall. A movie, romantic comedy actually.” Hongbin shared, receiving cheers and praise from them all. “It’s not the lead role, but I’m the male lead at least.”

“I failed my group project.” Sanghyuk admitted. The image incident had sabotaged his chances to meet up with his group properly, and then the stress and anxiety over it, as well as keeping it hidden from the group and them not picking up his slack, had gotten the best of him. “I’ll be able to retake it next semester though, but it kinda sucks to have to do it again.”

“My sister is getting married.” Wonshik shared, shocking them all because it was certainly one of those things he would’ve told them right away. He apologized and said he’d called his sister from Bali to warn her about the potential scandal, and she’d told him then. “To be honest; I forgot about it amidst it all.”

Slowly, as they caught up with each other’s lives and drank their alcohol, deeper worries started to surface. Sanghyuk apologized for panicking over the image on Naver, which they all told him strictly was perfectly understandable and Jaehwan gave him a pep-talk on how much better his reaction had been compared to his own.

“At least you didn’t run away, right?” He said, laughing humourlessly. They quieted, eyes avoiding. Jaehwan looked around at them and couldn’t help but sigh. “My loves.” He started, fuelling his voice with liquid bravery. They peeked at him with curious interest. “I can’t undo what I did, but I can say that if I could go back and change it, I would within a heartbeat. I left on an impulse, and while I thrived from being away from the public eye and scrutiny of Seoul and finally feeling like a normal person again, out and proud and living like an ordinary student, it would’ve been a million times better if I had any of you with me or even let you in on the decision.” He paused, thinking for a moment while taking a sip of beer.

“Do you see? I don’t regret going, but I regret the circumstances of me leaving. So much that it used to tear me apart, even though you all forgave me.” He took a breather, another sip, and lifted a finger to stop Hakyeon from interfering.

“I’m not done.” He said with a smile. “What I mean is; I think I can forgive myself now. I’m ready to forgive myself.”

They let that sink in while Jaehwan downed the rest of his beer.

“So those worried looks of yours need to stop. I’m not fine yet, but I will be, and I need you to go ahead of me and light up the path, alright?” He continued. They nodded, wide-eyed but smiling.

“For sure.” Hongbin was able to say. Taekwoon, who was sitting beside Jaehwan, took his hand and squeezed it.

“I promise.” Hakyeon said warmly, pushing his leg with his own. Jaehwan nodded with approval.

“And I promise not to be butthurt when you make jokes or talk about the times you had while I was gone.” He said finally. Hongbin chuckled through a grin when Jaehwan gave him a pointed look.

“There’s one thing I’d like to say.” Taekwoon said seriously, breaking up the cheered mood Jaehwan had created. They all turned to him in half-worried surprise. He huffed from having all eyes on him but swallowed his discomfort and pushed through. “We need to get better at this.” He started. They looked at him with quizzical expressions.

“If we’re to stay together like this, we need to work harder to stay together. Find more time, arrange our lives, do more trips like this and generally see each other more.”

Hongbin twitched a little from feeling a little scolded. He’d been incredibly busy thanks to his drama and the words stung a little. Taekwoon gave him a sympathetic look.

“I don’t mean we haven’t tried hard already, but I think we can do better. Not try harder but try _better._ Find other ways to organize ourselves and our time so we can spend more time like this. All of us together.”

Hakyeon nodded gravely, agreeing thoughtfully. “Lately we’ve been mostly divided into groups, haven’t we?” He chimed in. Taekwoon nodded.

“Which I’m grateful for, but it’s not enough for me. I don’t want to be with some of you and always miss another. Of course, there are times where company under four eyes is welcome, but this is only the second time we’re together this entire _year._ I want us to be together more, because you all break my heart by being constantly away.” He looked down at the last words, emotions catching up with him. Jaehwan’s hand came to his shoulder to support him.

“We’re all really busy.” Wonshik mumbled.  
“Yeah.” Sanghyuk agreed softly.

“Okay, so let’s agree on this; let’s gather up more often, all of us.” Jaehwan declared. Hakyeon smiled at him for taking charge. They nodded in unison.

“It won’t be easy, but nothing about us is, so what’s the difference?” Hakyeon added. Taekwoon smiled at him gratefully, his pained eyes breaking Hakyeon’s heart. He loved them all so much it was destroying him, Hakyeon knew that better than anyone. Taekwoon, with no family and no other friends only had them to lean on. They were all he had, and he needed them more than he’d ever admit out loud.

“Yeah, sure, it’s not like we can’t try.” Hongbin agreed, raising his glass for another toast. The others joined in one by one. Their glasses clashed together loudly, beer spilling into the water, and a laugh spread among them as the heavy mood dissipated. Taekwoon let himself smile genuinely, his eyes disappearing into half-moons when Jaehwan leaned over and kissed him on the cheek to cheer him up.

“I love you.” Jaehwan murmured into his cheek before pulling away. Taekwoon answered with a look that spoke louder than words.

“Will we have to live in fear of exposure for the rest of our lives?” Sanghyuk asked after a brief silence. Hakyeon frowned, not knowing the answer to this. He couldn’t really see another way, with how things were at the moment.

“Forever would be awfully pessimistic.” Taekwoon said softly. “Things change. We’ll go along with the times, maybe sometimes in front.” He mused.

“Once we’re all more independent we’ll have less to risk by coming out, at least. I plan on coming out once I’ve secured the family business in my grasp. You could do the same, Sanghyuk-ah.” Jaehwan offered and Sanghyuk nodded thoughtfully.

“As long as we have this place to go to, we’ll be fine for now. But in a not-too-distant future I’m sure we can loosen up a little, don’t you think?” Wonshik added with a reassuring smile towards Sanghyuk, who was still frowning with thought. The others nodded in agreement.

“And because we all love each other, we can make it through anything, right?” Hakyeon said, smiling because he was satisfied with their answers. They smiled back, Wonshik leaning his shoulder against his with affection.

Surprisingly, Hongbin lifted his glass once again. “To love?” He suggested, blushing a little. It wasn’t like him to suggest things like this. Wonshik laughed with surprise, but refilled his glass and joined in.

Glasses sang together in unison. “To love!”

**

“It looks surprisingly good.” Hongbin said, holding up his camera to the mirror.

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Taekwoon chuckled, checking himself out, moving stray strands of hair around to arrange his new hairdo. Hakyeon had cut his hair, which had grown long enough to make it uncomfortable in the heat of summer by constantly clinging to his forehead and neck. He’d cut it much shorter, so the hair wasn’t hanging into his face anymore and his neck was free to breathe.

“Ready?” Hongbin asked, looking into the viewfinder of his DSLR. Due to their phone detox he’d found much more use for his beloved camera than he had for a long time. With work swallowing so much of his time, his hobby had been forgotten, but was not reborn with enthusiasm. Hongbin was taking pictures of everything.

Taekwoon sighed, not used to his new look, but begrudgingly satisfied. “Ready.”

The camera clicked and the mirror image of the two of them in the bathroom was made a memory to be kept forever.

**

“Hyung, you cheated!” Sanghyuk shouted from the TV-room. Hakyeon and Hongbin looked up curiously from their books. They were lying on sunbeds on the balcony, reading the same novel, enjoying the remnants of sun before sunset. Suddenly, Taekwoon came running out from the TV-room, cackling with laughter, his open shirt flying about, slipping on the floor as he turned towards the balcony and ran outside. Sanghyuk followed close behind, bigger and faster than his older boyfriend.

Hongbin snorted at the wild chase across the balcony, all the way our towards the beach, until Taekwoon reached the stairs that went down to the sand. But Sanghyuk caught up with him just in time, arms around his middle, turning him around back towards the house. Taekwoon screamed, Sanghyuk shouting in victory. Hongbin picked up his camera and pointed it at them. Sanghyuk was dragging Taekwoon back towards the house, but Taekwoon’s feet were too long and resisted too well.

With a heave, Sanghyuk threw a very disoriented Taekwoon onto his back so that he was piggybacking him. Then he ran to the open part of the balcony and spun around. Taekwoon shouted for mercy, hated being dizzy, but all the while screaming with laughter.

The camera shutter clicked, capturing them both laughing their asses off.

**

Hongbin and Jaehwan were in the jacuzzi alone, Hakyeon close by on a sunbed reading. They were discussing a new game release they were planning on buying and play together. The sun was about to go down and bathed them in a beautiful light. Hakyeon’s attention was caught at the sight of the two engaged in conversation, smiling, laughing, eyes shining with youth and joy.

The camera was resting on the sunbed beside his and he reached over and picked it up. He knew nothing about cameras but managed to find the auto-setting and removed the lens-cap. Quietly, trying to be unnoticed, he stalked over with the camera ready. He looked at them through the viewfinder, searching for the best angle. Jaehwan noticed him, and Hongbin turned as well. Their wet hair was glittering in the sunlight, their smiles blinding him. They looked so happy that Hakyeon’s heart jumped in his chest. He pressed his finger down and the moment was captured.

**

They had stayed up all night drinking and playing party games. Taekwoon, it turned out, was absolutely shit at Jenga. Every loss lead to a drink and they had to stop their games when Taekwoon was barely able to sit up straight.

“The sun will be up soon.” Sanghyuk, the most sober of them all, informed.

“Let’s go out on the beach.” Wonshik suggested, immediately getting up.

They made their way outside, Hongbin supporting Taekwoon, Hakyeon wrapped up in a blanket, Sanghyuk and Wonshik pulling on hoodies and Jaehwan carrying a beach towel for Taekwoon to sit on and Hongbin’s tripod. Taekwoon was placed on the beach towel and Wonshik crouched down a few feet beside him. Hakyeon stood beside Taekwoon, watching the waves of the sea, while Sanghyuk and Jaehwan helped a tipsy Hongbin setting up his camera.

“I’ll put it on a self-timer so we can all be in it.”

“I’m gonna want this framed, I think.” Jaehwan mused, making Hongbin blush.

“Hurry, the sun is about to peak above the horizon.” Sanghyuk urged. Hongbin fixed the settings of the camera, checking the angle, the lighting and the depth of field.

“Sanghyuk and Jaehwan, don’t go left of Hakyeon, alright?” He ordered, making sure everyone was included in the picture. His two helpers walked over to the others, Jaehwan standing beside Taekwoon’s right side and Sanghyuk crouching down beside Wonshik. A red ball of light appeared on the horizon. Hongbin pressed the button, giving him 10 seconds to get in place.

“10 seconds! Look forward!” He called, jogging to stand between Jaehwan and Wonshik.

They waited for a bit. The wind was too strong for them to hear the quiet noise of the camera, so they had no idea if the picture was taken or not. Hongbin had lost his count.

“Is it done?” Jaehwan asked and turned around to look at the camera. Just then he saw the lens shut.

**

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might not be the very end of this universe.   
> If you've read my series "Songs to learn and Sing", you'll know I love writing short slice-of-life stories within universes like this. I can imagine myself doing that for this universe as well. I won't be adding them as chapters to this though, so make sure you sub to my works if you're interested.


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